Eleanor Rigby: Her Story
by CrazyCatie
Summary: Everyone knows the song. But what if there really were something more behind the girl in the lyrics? Just when we thought Ellie was pulling herself together, she trips and falls...if you know what I mean.
1. Meeting Eleanor Rigby

Summer-1965

Lucy is leaving.

She told me very unceremoniously, just spitting it out a couple days after our high school graduation. Lucy and I, we had always been best friends. Just me and Luce, best friends forever. I thought that we were going to have to end our friendship when she left, but it turns out she wasn't going to let that happen.

"So you know how I'm going to go visit Max in New York soon?" Lucy's brother Max and his friend Jude (who I met once but was terribly sexy in that British, artist man way) had moved out to NYC just about a month and a half ago. Lucy had been pining to go out there ever since, whether for her fun and loveable brother or for Jude, I did not know.

"Yup," I stated, not looking up. Really, I wasn't very interested in hearing her talk about how she was going to move to New York and have all this fun and be so successful one more time. It's not so much that I was jealous (even though maybe I was just a little bit of that), but that I was going to miss her so much.

"Ellie, you can stop being so cold to me, I wanted to ask if you wanted to go along with me!" I focused my gaze back to my best friend's clear blue eyes, suddenly all smiley and happy.

"Oh, my gosh! Are you serious? Don't be joking with me, Lucy!" I squealed, jumping from where I sat on her bed.

Lucy rolled her eyes playfully. "Eleanor Rigby, you silly girl, did you really think I could ever leave you behind?"

_Yes,_ I thought almost bitterly, _I did consider that. And I would have hated you, because I can't be lonely again._

"No, I guess not. Oh, my gosh, I'm so excited! When do we leave?" I lied, trying to cover it up with over-enthusiasm. But that was me, wasn't it? Just a sweet, shy person on one side of my wall, and a cold, sarcastic one on the other. And maybe, even though I had my best friend, a little bit lonely.

"Well, it's not set in stone, you know, because we're just taking the train, but really any time you want!" Lucy paced around her room, returning to the constant packing she had been doing over the past two weeks. She walked into her large walk-in closet (five times bigger than my own) and pulled out a few more pairs of jeans to compare with the ones she had packed yesterday.

"Why are you in such a hurry, anyways? I mean, Max loves you to death, it's not like you're never going to see him again. Besides, why do you have to stay? What's in New York that isn't here?" I said absentmindedly, returning to one of Lucy's mindless romance novels that dotted her room.

"I just want to be there, you know? It seems like the place to be now, with everything that's going on. Besides, Max is there, and…." She trailed off, biting her lip uneasily, then looking at me to finish her thought.

"And Jude is there?" I guessed, trying to run a hand through my auburn curls, but them not letting me. Instead, I pushed them over my shoulder frustratedly.

Lucy put her palm to her lips, giggling shyly. This was very out of character for her. In fact, even though we were both pretty girly, I was more cynical-minded and she was too passionate to be the giggle-into-your-palm type.

I arched one eyebrow, cocking my head and smiling mockingly at her. "He's not that big of a deal. Sure, he's cute and all, but you've only met him a couple times!"

Lucy shrugged. "I'm the kind of person that only needs to meet someone once to know that they're the One. Or, they're one of the Ones." She paused briefly to bend down and pick some shoes off the floor. "You're the type that likes to become friends and then…you know." She became distracted by the shoes again.

Was I that type? I didn't really know my dating preferences myself, so how should Luce know? I hadn't even been out with that many boys, had I? Well, I never liked any of them, so what was the difference, really? I had never fallen for anybody like Lucy fell for Dan, and was bound to fall for Jude. She just had that crazy intensity, and all I had was my stupid wall.

"You know what I think?" Lucy said suddenly, glancing up from her shoes and making her long, straight blonde hair fall back smoothly. "I think we should go tomorrow! That way we could be in the city by night and we could hear that Sadie chick who Max has been raving about." Lucy adopted a distant smile and gazed longingly out her bedroom window, the sun reflecting her eyes and making them even brighter.

"Yeah," I mumbled, trying to sound hesitant like a normal person who wasn't Lucy would. "But I'd have to ask my folks…." Who was I kidding? We both knew my parents were pushing for me to get the hell out of the house so that I wouldn't ask them about college again. At home, I was a miserable person.

"Sure you do. Okay, it's decided." She walked away from the window, plopping herself onto the bed next to me and grabbing my hand eagerly. "Tomorrow we leave for New York City! I can't wait!" She squealed, rolling back into her pillows and laughing uncontrollably.

I grinned gently, letting her go insane for once. I stretched my back, turning to see this strange new person that was once my best friend Lucy. Had it really only taken a boy for her to lighten up this much? And where could I get one?

_New York_, a voice in my head answered. And I couldn't help but think that this was undeniably true. There were a lot of people there, and one was bound to be my Jude.


	2. Beauty and the Best

**Okay, so I didn't really know what I was doing with this story, only knowing that I completely love Across the Universe and all the characters. I would really appreciate any suggestions that anyone may have about this****story. Thanks to everybody!**

We got to New York a couple of hours ago. And may I say? It's wild here.

First off, there's the city itself. When I asked my mother to come here, the only thing she was hesitant about was the cleanliness of the city. I mean, New York City is known for being kind of dirty, but everything else makes up for it. The atmosphere, the buildings, the people. It's crazy.

Then there are Jude and Max's roommates. Sadie, she rents the place, is so confident and sexy, she makes me and Lucy seem prudish. You can totally tell how smitten the guys are with her. She's probably the only real reason that they stay here. And then there's Jojo. He just may be the coolest cat I've ever met, with his easy attitude and mad guitar skills. I mean, growing up in the suburbs, you don't see people like Jojo. Ever. There are a few others, but out of all of them we were most fascinated by Prudence. She's from, like, Ohio or something, but she's super fun and sweet.

Right now we're at the club where Sadie and Jojo play with Sadie's band. It's funny, Jude and Max haven't even been here that long, and already they seem to have groupies. Max is sitting next to me, his arm thrown around a pale girl with jet black hair and a tiny waist. Jude is staring at Lucy, another chick sucking on his neck. Not that he is noticing. Lucy is nodding her head and glancing over at me every five seconds, looking so out of place it is almost amusing.

Oh, no, wait. Look at that. Jude leans over and whisper (well really yells but here it's the same thing) to Lucy. She nods her head, and the pair of them leave get up and head out of the bar entrance. The neck-sucker death-stares at Lucy the whole time.

"Eleanor Rigby. What a miserable name for a very, very beautiful girl." I turn at the sound of his voice, a voice I have known all my life.

"Thanks, Max, but you know I'm still Ellie." I grin at him, trying to push my thick curls back, but them not exactly agreeing with me.

"Do I know that? I haven't seen you in forever," he screams, scooting closer to me and dropping his arm from Skinny. She glares at me.

"Yeah, well, that's what happens when you become a college boy…and then drop out and move to New York City." I snort, liking that I can talk to him as though he were I my best friend, not his sister.

"Ah, cynical as ever, Miss Ellie. But if you we're being serious, what's going on?" Now his back was completely turned away from Skinny. He was leaning in toward me as though I was the most interesting topic on the table.

I could tell him about how Lucy was changing before our eyes, and I could tell him how lonely I was, even though I had so many people in my life. I knew Max would listen, because Max always listened to me. Even when I was ten years old and all I wanted to talk about was how much I loved Bobby Marx from Ms. Kindler's class, who Max so fondly had called Booby from then on.

"Oh, you know. Same old; parents don't care, too many freaking siblings for me to even think the word college, and the only person that really cares about me currently outside trying to make your new friend fall for her."

Max cackled that wild, crazy laugh that made my heart soar. Just because, well, it was a nice thing to make someone like Max laugh.

"Like Luce even needs to try. She's already got him around her middle finger." He smiled as though he wanted nothing more than to see his buddy and his sister end up together. Or at least for the night. "And you know that's not true. Your parents are sucky, I'm gonna be honest, but you turned out alright. And c'mon! Everyone loves the youngest child! So you've got seven right there. And then of course Luce. You know our parents think of you as their third kid. Plus…plus there's me." He half-smiled, keeping his eyes straight on me when any other guy would be ducking his head.

"Aw, thanks Max."

He bit his lip, turning his head toward Sadie for a minute. I took this chance to look around at the remainder of our group. Everyone looked somewhat busy, and even Skinny and stopped staring at us to engage Prudence in a conversation. The only one that looked like how I felt inside, alone, was the neck-sucker. She was gazing out the window at Jude and Lucy. Once she saw me looking, she started talking.

"He's just trying to get into your pants, you know. He did the same thing to me," she sneered, nodding at Max, who obviously couldn't hear her.

I mentally rolled my eyes, assuming that she had been eavesdropping. "It's not like that."

"Please, you're eighteen years old, you don't know a thing compared to me."

This time I really did roll my eyes. "That means he's had about eighteen years to do what you think he want to do now. And I know he does NOT want to do that."

I turned away from her, not really wanting to talk to her anymore. I could fell both hers and Max's eyes burning holes in the sides of my head, but I kept my eyes forward. I was sure Max had heard our entire conversation, and I was kind of embaressed.

"You're really pretty, you know. Your friend is, too. Not in the mature, available way I am, though." She paused for a second, as though basking in the greatness of being both mature and available, which I took to mean old and slutty. "In that innocent, honestly nice way that some kinds of guys like. I bet you're pretty damn smart, too."

I didn't know what to say. Obviously, she wasn't just going to give me a compliment like that. I knew that there was more. "Uh...."

"But Max isn't the type to go for the young ones. He's looking for a girl for the night, and you're looking for love. Can't you see why you'll never work?" She flicked a piece of lint off her light blue sweater, then crossed her arms cockily.

I knew I should probably laugh in her face for assuming too much, but I couldn't. It just didn't feel right. I looked down at my hands and hesitated, then said, "Who said that I want it to work? Who said that I like Max like that anyways?" I was super aware of Max now, and I could tell that he was listening, but I kept my back to him.

"Honey, you didn't have to say it."

I felt tiny pin-pricks of tears behind my eyes, and I felt like a stupid, pathetic little girl trying to act like she fit in with all these people. And I really, really didn't.

"I'm sorry," she chirped, "because you may be beauty, but he's the best."

My jaw dropped a little, and I shifted in my seat to check if Max had heard that.

"Why don't you just shut up, Lizzy." Max shouted over the music. So he had heard. Shit.

Lizzy the neck-sucker shrugged. "I'm just warning the girl. Right, Ellie? No harm, no foul."

I didn't say anything, just wondered how she knew my name when I had just found out her's.

"C'mon, El, we should find Jude and Lucy and get home."

He didn't wait for my answer, just pulled me up and dragged me out of the club. Once we were out on the sidewalk, he dropped my arm and strode forward, swiveling his head around to look for his friend and sister. He looked...well, mad.

"Max, let's just go. They're probably back home already."

He turned around and looked at me, so intensely it was almost awkward. "Yeah. Yeah, we should go."

And then he spun around and took off.


	3. Ellie Has a BF

**Chapter three! I love writing this story, but there hasn't been a single comment yet! Are you guys meaning to make me feel like crap, or is this just happening on its own? Well, whatever the case, this is the last update I'm going to post until I have at least three reviews telling me not to quit it, or all together take it down, which I would honestly hate to do. Hurry, hurry, because it's pointless of me to have this here if nobody wants it. Alright, here it is.**

Lizzie can be such a pain in the ass sometimes, I swear to God. I wish she would just lay off me for like two seconds, because really, all she knows about me is what she's heard. I've only been with her a few times, and it's Jude she's really after, so what is she doing telling Ellie things like I'm the Best? I mean, sure I appreciate the occasional woman or two, or three, four, or five, but does she have to tell Lucy's best friend about that? Not so much that I care that it gets back to Luce, because she knows a thing or two herself, but Ellie just seems so…innocent. Even though she's cynical and can be quite mean at times (though never to my family) she doesn't know a whole lot. Sometimes I feel like I'm more than a year and a half older than her.

That was why I had to get out of there as quick as I could. I mean, what a bitch! She was honestly hung up about Jude, so why would she just go ahead and start going off on me? I glanced over at Ellie, who was trying to keep up with me on her long, slender legs, and smiled a bit to myself. I was far from trying to get into Ellie's pants. I'd known her as long as I known my own self, practically, and never once did I feel the need to go after her.

"Max Carrigan, will you PLEASE slow down?" Ellie called from a little bit behind me. I paused and turned around, already close to the apartment and figuring it safe to breath again.

"Sorry, El," I mumbled, running my hand through my shaggy hair and down the side of my face, thinking that I badly needed a shave.

"'S all right." Ellie smiled up at me, stretching her full, red lips over her straight teeth, her dark blue eyes glittering in the street lamp's glare. I was quite taller than her, so she had to lean her head back to look me straight in the eyes, her reddish spirals falling all over her back. I got this weird feeling in my stomach, as if this was just so right somehow, and thought that Lizzie wasn't lying; Ellie certainly had become very beautiful. Her eye lids dropped and she dropped her gaze quickly. "What?" she asked shyly, and I realized that I had probably been staring at her a little bit too intensely.

Ellie had this massive, tightly concreted wall that she put up between everybody she talked to, and usually only Lucy or I could knock it down. Nobody ever really saw Ellie in her natural state; instead, she put on different acts for different people, depending on what they wanted to see. Mom always used to say that she kept her face in a jar by the door, ready to pull out at a moment's notice.

"She's a lying little bitch," I announced, turning around and indicating that she should walk with me. She did.

"Really?" Ellie inquired, raising one eyebrow skeptically. "So you don't sleep with random girls whenever you feel like it?"

Damn, the girl knew me well. I gave her an easy grin, shrugging a bit. "Hell yes. But I'm not only looking for a lay for the night, I'm always on the look-out for the One."

Ellie rolled her eyes. "The chances of you finding your soulmate conveniently are slimmer than that bar-slut back there." She smiled softly to herself at her little joke, looking up at the night sky merrily.

I loved how just saying one thing could put pep in her step. That was some quality shit right there. We were nearing the apartment, and I had to say something to her before we saw Jude and Lucy again. I stopped her on the front stoop, grabbing her shoulder gently.

"Ok, we need to get something straight." Ellie's head snapped down to attention, her face back to its old serious self again, back within the restraints of her wall. She nodded firmly, so I went on. "Jude is going to end up with Lucy."

I figured the best way to do this was to do it straight up. Besides, she may be innocent, but she wasn't some fragile china doll. She could (and already had) take some serious shit. The number of secrets she held about him was off the charts.

Ellie smirked devilishly. "You sound so happy for them."

I chucked a bit, her words littered with sarcasm as usual. "It doesn't really matter what I think, does it? Jude is a passionate guy, and he's pretty easy going, too. All the girls here fall all over him, so you know you and Lucy will, too."

I expected her to continue nodding along, but was taken aback when she suddenly whispered coldly, "Excuse me?"

I had to stop and back track, remembering my words exactly. "I don't get it…" I trailed off, not thinking of something that might have offended her.

"I am not going to 'fall all over' Jude," she sneered, making air quotes. "That's not me." And just like that, BAM! Her wall was rebuilt once again.

"He's charming, he can't help it," I tried, hoping that she was just embarrassed that she had been caught in the act.

"So? I know just as well as you do what's going to happen between Jude and Lucy! You don't think that I haven't listened to everything Lucy's been telling me for the past few months? God, Max, just when I think you might have changed-"

I cut her off, enraged. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Ellie snorted. "The Max that I knew would have stayed back in that club and continued to make out with whoever the hell that was, because he would be wasted or high or whatever and wouldn't even remember what color hair she had in the morning. The Max that I knew wouldn't have cared that I was hearing what was going on in his wild new city life. However, the Max that I knew WOULD have said something to me like you did just now, assuming that even if I was even somewhat attracted to Jude (which I SO am not) I would get in the way of him and Lucy, who I KNOW is crazy about him. Sure, everyone loves Max Carrigan because he's fun, and he's wild, and he's a real groovy guy. Well you know what Max? Fuck you."

I was so shocked. I literally felt like I had been slapped in the face. I had seen Ellie get pretty bad with some people, but I never expected to be on the receiving end. And damn, did it hurt. She snatched the keys out of my hand and ran for the door, leaving me standing there on the stoop, totally blown away.

**Alright, there was chapter three. Remember what I said in the author's note; no reviews, no story. Period. And please review, because I so want to keep it going!!! **


	4. Hey There, Jude

**I'm a little bit embarrassed. Partly because just now I discovered I can't spell the word 'embarrassed' without spell check, and partly because of the stunt that I pulled a couple of days ago with the holding my story hostage. That was…well that was some pretty low stuff, I have to admit it. Though if any of YOU guys agree with me, I'd rather you keep it to yourself, just for my self-confidence and all. So, I'm gonna update, though it hasn't been that long since I went off the wall, and I just want to warn you that this is pretty much NOT about either Max or Ellie. Sure, they're IN it, but it's mostly about Jude…and I guess Lucy, too. It's written in Jude's POV, so forgive me for not being British and seriously having trouble with the dialogue, seeing as all I can go off of is: the way he talks in the movie, the way the Beatles talk/sing :^), and Harry Potter (hahahaha, but I'm serious). Alright, so I know you're tired of this uber long A/N, so let's go! Chapter four.**

I was talking to Jojo when Lucy's friend Ellie came storming into that apartment, all in a huff, and Lucy immediately sprang up and went to comfort her, them walking off to their room. Five minutes later Max drags himself into the den where Jojo and I are contemplating this and falls into an armchair next to Jojo.

"Dude, that girl is crazy," he mumbled in a tired voice, closing his eyes and slipping a hand over his eyes.

Jojo chuckled and shook his head. "The pretty ones always are." I have to think about this. Was Ellie pretty? I hadn't noticed, not at all. I mean, it was true that almost the entire time I was here I was talking to Lucy, but I'd said a few things to her. The only thing that really registered to me was that she was…difficult to describe. Her personality seemed to contradict itself. One moment she would be shy and reserved, the next she'd be laughing and loud. Whenever somebody was talking, she got this look on her face, like she was analyzing everything that they were saying, but when they finished, she wouldn't say a thing, just acting like she wasn't listening in the first place. I couldn't see how Lucy and Max loved her so much; they were both such outgoing people. But then again, it was only the second time or so that I was meeting her. I'm sure she thought the same thing about me.

"Nah, just her, I think. But it's not like I didn't know something was going to happen with her. Trouble is just attracted to her." Max slumped down in his seat, running his hands through his hair.

"What cha mean by that, mate?" I wanted to know, because it didn't really seem like she was too dangerous of a person. She was actually a rather small girl.

Max laughed darkly. "Well, there's the fact that almost every guy she was with, at least when I was around, tried doing things to her. And then, her parents are friends with this guy, Freddie Malone I think his name was, that beat the shit out of her a couple of times when he got really drunk. I had to put a stop to that one. Oh, and don't let me forget her freaking whacked up brother."

I didn't really want to hear much more about Ellie, because I was starting to see exactly why she was the way she was. But I knew that they was Max had phrased that last one that he meant for us to ask. "Whacked up?"

Max looked down, shaking his head. "Yeah, she hates to talk about him. Heroin junkie, bi-polar, alcoholic, current felon. Scary dude, I must say, and I've met some real winners."

If Max was judging people on things like that, then I knew that this was pretty serious. Though I doubt that he would ever become something as serious as a heroin junkie or a criminal. "She doesn't see him, then?"

"That's the problem, man," Max continued, "he's around a lot. Well, he was before. In the slammer right now. Killed his wife."

My mouth dropped open in a way that they only do in films. "Holy…."

Max nodded solemnly. Max was never solemn. "Didn't hear about that? Desmond and Molly Jones. They were just married, Des was crazy about her, changed his last name to hers. But one day he drank a little bit too much, a vicious drunk, Desmond was, and then boom. Stabbed her in her sleep. Ellie was in pieces for months. She kept saying that she had seen it coming, that she should have been able to stop it. See, he was her eldest brother, got quite a few of them, too, and he had taken swings at all of them. Never would have thought, though. I mean, Des Rigby was a few years older than me, but everyone had heard of how wild he was. But a killer? Nah, would have never guessed."

The quiet that ensued after what had been said was so thick with thoughts and misgivings about the small girl with dark red hair that we all jumped ten feet when we heard Lucy clear her throat.

"God, Luce, you scared the shit out me," Max breathed, sitting up and taking the beer that Lucy was handing him. She passed the other ones to Jojo and I, and Jojo resumed playing with a few chords on his guitar.

"Yeah, well, you're lucky I wasn't El. She's mad enough as it is, without you bringing up Des." Lucy sat down next to me on the loveseat, smoothing her long, straight blonde hair down. She glanced over at me in what she probably thought was a discreet manner and smiled. I smiled back and she flushed a bit.

"She told you why?" Max asked, a little bit incrediculously.

Lucy shot him a look. "Of course not. Not if it meant that I would be upset with her darling Max." she sneered, making my smile a little bit wider. I thought it was hilarious when she tried to act tough.

Max frowned a bit. "Ha. You mean she didn't tell you ANYTHING?"

She shrugged. "The only thing that she said was that some 'bar-slut' had tried to tell her some stuff about Max, which got him mad, and then they came back to the apartment and they got into a little bit of a fight." She shifted herself so that she was leaning towards Max, which also meant that her knee was practically on top of mine. I wanted so bad to reach out and touch it.

Max laughed his loud, wild laugh. The kind of laugh that you just want to laugh at. "Bar-slut, I love that." I had to smile at Ellie's word choice, too. Even Lucy cracked a half-grin.

"She didn't say who it was, though." Lucy prompted, looking towards Max, but before he could say anything, I jumped in.

"It doesn't matter. Max has slept with almost all the birds in that club. That qualifies them all as bar-sluts." I crossed my legs, jiggling my foot in time with the melody Jojo had finally pieced together and was now trying out.

Lucy's eyes widened as she sent a quick glance over to her brother, then looked back at me. Max snickered. "I can't help it; they just want me, I guess. But it wasn't actually one of MY bar-sluts that said something."

My heart skipped a beat. It wasn't one of his girls? Nearly all of them were his! There was really only one that I shared with him, but surely Lizzie wouldn't say anything to Ellie about Max, would she? What would be her motive behind that? And if she would say something to Ellie, who said she wouldn't do the same to Lucy?

"Her?" I asked, not wanting to say her name in front of Lucy. Earlier this evening I had clarified that she wasn't my girlfriend, and I didn't want her to think that I was lying.

"Her." Max responded, nodding his head and taking a sip of his beer.

It was silent for a moment, the only sound was the light plucking of strings as Jojo made his fingers move magically over the guitar. After about thirty seconds, he stopped the pretty noise and stood up. "I'm gonna go find Sadie, run this through with her," he said in that deep, musical voice of his. He sauntered out of the room, leaving us all in complete and utter quiet.

It didn't take long before Lucy spoke again. "Who's 'her'?" That was probably what she had been thinking about this whole time, and I felt bad that we hadn't told her. But it was for the better, probably.

"Nobody." Max answered quickly. I sent him a grateful glance before returning to my beer.

"Obviously she's somebody." Lucy pressed, now looking at me. I just shrugged, refusing to meet her gaze.

"I told you, she doesn't matter." Max answered for me. Lucy turned her relentless stare from me to Max, assuming that I was not going to give her any information.

"You will tell me," she commanded. Max just shook his head and laughed.

"No, I will not," he chirped, making this into a game.

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes!"

"No!"

"YES!"

"NO!"

"YES!!!"

"NO!!!"

Lucy glared at her brother evilly. "Yes," she whispered in a quietly dangerous tone.

Max could barely control his giggles. "No." he mocked in the same voice.

I loved their childish antics, and I was chuckling right along with Max. Lucy let out a frustrated noise, and chucked her half-empty bottle of beer at Max head, hitting him dead on and splattering him with the smelly substance. He jumped up in surprise, screeching, "Lucy!"

Lucy and I dissolved into mad fits of laughter, leaning on each other and holding our stomachs. Even through the amusing sight of Max standing there, dripping in beer and a light red mark appearing on his left temple, I was still reveling in the fact that I was so close to Lucy, who smelled like vanilla.

Max marched angrily out of the room, and seconds later we heard the shower burst to life. I knew he would be in there for a while. Max took notoriously long showers.

Lucy struggled to regain her breathing, and I sat back against the couch, turning my body so that I could look at her head-on. I finished my beer with a final swig, and then placed it on the floor at the foot of the couch.

"Her name is Lizzie."

Lucy shifted her body so that she was in the same position I was. "What?"

"Lizzie. Lizzie is the name of the bar-slut." I couldn't believe I was telling her this. But I really like Lucy, and I wanted to show her that I was an honest person, even if I wasn't always an honest person.

Lucy pondered this. As she did so, I reached over and took her hand, outlining the lines of her palm. After awhile I looked up and found that she was watching me with the most curious expression on her face.

"As in, the one who isn't you girlfriend?"

I smiled lightly, still tracing the lines on her soft hands. "Yup."

"Why didn't you want me to know her name?" She didn't pull her hand away, watching as my index finger swirled the inside of her hand.

I decided not to answer that one; anything that I said would be bad. Instead, I choose to charm her. That was one thing that never failed me. "Did you know I can read palms?" I can't really read palms, and I find that the whole future telling thing is complete rubbish. But that wouldn't be a very amiable thing to say.

Lucy raised her eyebrows, probably wondering why I dodged the question, but replied, "How would I have known that."

I chortled at her blatant honesty. "Do you want me to read yours?"

She gazed down at my finger, which was now positioned at the tip of a line that started near the middle of her hand and arched all the way down towards her thumb. She nodded in a transfixed way.

"Hmmm," I hummed, pretending to be concentrating. I smoothed my finger boldly over the lines, glad of a real reason to touch her.

"What is it?" she questioned anxiously, craning her neck to see past my finger. I folded her fingers down into a fist, signaling that I was finished.

"Well, it looks good." I announced, like I had any idea what I was talking about.

"Yeah?"

I nodded. "Yeah. It says that you'll live for a long, long time. And you'll have four beautiful children, all with your lovely blue eyes."

She beamed at me. "Really? What does it say about love?"

I considered my response. Should I make her laugh, or should I make her think I can really do this? "Well," I breathed, moving my body closer to hers, "it says that you'll fall in love young, with a man introduced to you by somebody that you already love."

Lucy blushed deeply, probably guessing that I had been leading her on the whole time with this palm reading business. She took a deep, even breath. "Yeah, who is he?"

I smiled. She was playing along. "I'm not sure who he is yet. I think he's still deciding. But he's not from America, and he's incredibly handsome and unbelievably good in bed."

Lucy gasped, smacking me on my shoulder. "Jude!" she exclaimed. I laughed and eventually she joined in with me.

"I'm good, aren't I?" I sat back, a wave of sleepiness hitting me. What time was it, anyways? I strained to hear the sound of the shower, but I couldn't, so that meant that Max had probably gone to sleep.

"Yeah," she said in an unexpectedly soft tone. "I think you are."

There was so much meaning in those four little words, so much hope. We didn't say anything more, because it just seemed like that was such a good remark to end on. Lucy got up and told me she off to bed, picking up our beer bottles on the way and tossing them in the trash.

I stayed where I was, thinking about how in just one day, it seemed like four lives had been changed. Definitely Ellie's, because as little as I knew her, I was quite certain that her being close to Max and Lucy permanently was going to help her. And I swore to myself that I would try to help her, too. Max's, because I doubt that I had ever seen him serious in the entire time I had know him. Maybe that was the effect of Ellie. He made her wall come down a smidge, and she made his go up a little bit, too. And Max, of all people, could certainly use a little bit of protection. Pun intended. Then there was Lucy's. Lucy, beautiful, cunning, passionate, Lucy, who had just lost the life of someone she was deeply in love with. I hoped that she would see somehow that I was here for her, too.

And, of course, mine. Before, my life had been wild, fun, altogether meaningless. But today? Today I had found someone who lit me up, made me feel whole. And if she didn't stay here, right where she was, I didn't know what I would do. Because I couldn't go back to a life filled with nothing.

**Okay, that's chapter four! I can't believe it's so long! Sorry if you weren't expecting that, it sort of just happened. I really enjoyed Jude's POV, because we got a little bit of insight into his relationship with Lucy. And Jude and Lucy are truly my favorite couple in Across the Universe. So…I got my reviews!!! Haha, sorry about that, by the way. Don't know what I was thinking. Review, review, review, and I hope you liked this update!**


	5. Rock Star Moment

**Don't ask me why, don't ask me how, but I just really need to update. To be honest, I really love this story. It covers (or will begin to cover, you'll see) my fascination (also called obsession) of the Beatles, and, of course, my love of Across the Universe. That's probably why I've been updating so soon. Anyways, I thought of this chapter doing both of the following things: daydreaming in History when I was supposed to be hating on Hoover about the Great Depression or something, and a couple of minutes ago, while I was singing one particular Beatles song in the shower, much to my sister's displeasure. So now I'll quit rambling and get on with it. Chapter five!**

Sadie was really freaking awesome. Every single note she hit gave me a shiver down my spine, and every time her she peaked into that raspy part of her voice I wanted to jump up and dance. Don't worry; there was no way in hell that anyone normal would. But that didn't seem to be stopping Lucy. She kept throwing her hands in the air and screaming like a mad woman. Jude was eating this up, his arm over the back of her seat and his head nodding along with the music. Jojo slashed his guitar in the air, making a loud whining noise, and Lucy leapt to her feet, jabbering something about always wanting to dance to a real rock n' roll song. I rolled my eyes as she led Jude out to the space where a few other couples where dancing.

Max was seated next to me, but much farther down the booth. He had some new girl on his lap, and he was whispering things into her ear, making her lean her head back and roar with laughter. I always wondered if some people really laughed that way, or if they just thought it looked cute. I definitely didn't think this girl looked all that great, drooling all over Max with her head hanging back. It was a wonder that she didn't completely topple out of his arms. What a whore.

Someone slid into the seat across from me, and my eyes immediately swiveled over to the newcomer. She was tiny, probably a good five or six inches shorter than my five seven, and had long, jet black hair that she let run loose down her shoulders. I did a shoe check to confirm who I thought this might be (cowboy boots, definitely Prudence) and was happy when my initial thoughts were confirmed. I was always terrible with names, sometimes choosing to rename people easier names rather than remember their real ones. Shoes were one way I classified people. If I was sure about one thing on a person, it was their shoes.

"Sadie's great, right?" Prudence asked, although this wasn't really a question, more like a well-duh-she's-great-so-don't-even-say-she's-not. I thought about denying this, just to mess with her, but thought the better of it. I didn't need to make myself any enemies in a new place.

"Fantastic. How long have you been staying at the flat?" I replied, casually sipping my beer, as though this conversation were anything like the one that was going off non-stop in my head. But if I said that one out loud…oh, God I shudder to think of what would happen.

Prudence shrugged, and I found that I liked her easy going, neither this way nor that personality. She seemed like me, but more open about it. "I don't know. Not that long, really. I was staying with his guy, but he was an asshole." I gave her a questioning look, so she continued, "Beat me around a little. Not to pleasant, you know? I just thought that I should get the hell out of there. But that's the past. The future is so much more exciting." She shrugged again, and I couldn't believe she was so nonchalant about that. I would have bitched that guy out to anybody that would listen. Or maybe I wouldn't have. It just depended on who I was with or what I was feeling that day.

"God, that's horrible."

"Like, I said, it's in the past." She leaned her head back and watched Sadie for a moment, a dreamlike expression in her eyes, before she turned back to me. "Hey, I don't know what you're doing tonight, you know, with Lucy and all, but if you're not too busy I could show you around the city a little bit. I mean, it's been a week and I KNOW that the only places that you've been to are the flat, this place, and that deli down the street."

Her offer surprised me. Not many people were to taken when they met me. In fact, I almost meant to put off a rather cold image to most people. That ensured that I was scaring off the ones who were weak of heart and keeping the only people I could slightly manage to be around; the Lucys and the Maxes.

"Yeah, I would love that! I mean, Luce is probably busy tonight, you know Saturday and all, but I have absolutely no idea how to get anywhere." I felt a burst of pride in my chest. I hadn't even been here a week and I had met a promising new person. Not many people, I find, were really all that great, so this was a major accomplishment.

Prudence was about to open her mouth to say something when she was suddenly interrupted by Lucy and Jude, yelling my name and scrambling through the crowds of people to get back to our booth. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Max stop his murmuring and look up at the pair of them. I could see him smirking at me, willing me to look his way, as though he knew exactly what they were up to, but I wouldn't dare give him the satisfaction. I hadn't spoken to him since the Stoop Incident and didn't intend to until he gave me a full apology.

Prudence gave me a small smile and a what-is-it-now sort of look. I shrugged and leaned back against the padded seat, waiting for them.

Lucy reached me first. "Ellie! C'mon, we've been calling you forever!" She tried to yank me from my seat but I pushed all my weight down against her hand. I was not one to be dragged mysteriously into large crowds. Forgive me.

Jude arrived, slightly breathless, seconds later. "Sadie and the boys are taking a break. They're looking for people to stand in for a few minutes until they're ready again," he explained, way more rationally than Lucy had.

I felt my stomach lurch. And not in a nervous-excited sort of way. More like a dear-God-please-let-them-leave-me-alone sort of way. "So?"

Lucy sighed exasperatedly. "El, we told them you'd go on. Just go, you know you're amazing!" I death-stared at her the way Lizzie had the first night we were here. She rolled her eyes.

"I am most certainly NOT amazing. Especially not following Sadie!" I tried wiggle backwards into the booth, but I felt a pair of strong hands force me out, pushing me into the throng. I yelp as the people there began to pass me into the front of the club, towards the stage. I swung my head back, searching for Max, and saw him full on belly-laughing at the sight of me. I wanted to kill him.

I loved music. I really did. But I was more of a guitar player/song writer, and actually didn't like to sing in front of people, not at all, actually. My stomach felt like it was going to explode with all the butterflies it held as I was pushed closer and closer to the ever-looming stage. My palms began to sweat, and the mixture of stale beer and body odor was making my head spin. A man near the front gave me the final death push, and I found myself standing right in front of the stairs that led up, up, up to the stage.

I was suddenly reminded of the last time I had played in front of an audience, and I felt the bile rise in the back of my throat. I swallowed it down, it burning my throat, and closed my eyes for a fraction of a second longer than was strictly necessary to blink. I opened my eyelids, taking deep, calming breaths, and tried to concentrate on left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot, so as not to trip coming up the stairs. I reached the top step, and stumbled over to where Jojo's guitar sat on its amp. I plugged it in and carried it over to the microphone.

My jaw began to shake as I opened my mouth to announce myself, as this was practically second nature to me by now. Lucy had forced me to do the open-mic thing plenty, but never in such a colossal crowd and never following someone as good as Sadie. I bit down on my lip for a moment, the familiar gesture bring an overwhelming sense of tranquility, and I realized that no matter how nervous I was, this was no different than anything I had ever done singing-wise before.

"Hi," I said into the mic, and the sound of my own voice calmed me down a little bit. "My name's Ellie Rigby, and apparently I have to sing a song to you tonight." The audience tittered, and I found myself slightly surprised that I had said that, exactly what I had been thinking, to people who I didn't even know. I collected myself quickly, however, and ran my fingers testily over a few chords, the light hum of them perfect. I'd have to send a quick thanks to Jojo later.

I took a final deep breath, feeling a hundredfold better. This was me, this was where I didn't have to be composed at all; this was where I could let it out. I randomly chose a song from somewhere in my mental album, and ran through the notes and words in my head. _Okay, _I thought calmly, _you've done this before, you can do it again._

I brought my lips to the mic, making sure my throat was nice and clear, before scanning the crowd and picking someone to sing to. This was a song that needed to be sung to someone, not just everyone, and I needed my target quickly. After a millisecond I chose to simply wing it and pick a person by chance. I closed my eyes and snuck the last breath I would get before I had to do it.

I open my eyes at the same time I started the first line of the song, and my eyes fell on the last person I wanted to be singing to. It was too late though, and I knew that once I started, I wasn't going to be able to stop. "I want you." I started my tone lower, raising it slightly at the end for effect. There were still a few people talking, but most of them were staring blankly at me, probably wondering what the hell kind of song this was. However, I barely noticed them, keeping my eyes trained on Max. "I want you so ba-a-a-a-ad." I stretched the last word over a few different notes, then paused again.

I couldn't help but notice that Max was staring right back at me, just as intensely as I was looking at him. I still didn't break eye contact. The song would be ruined if I did. The few people that had been chatting stopped and looked at me, trying to figure out who I was staring at so hard. "I want you-ou-ou-ou-ou." I stopped one last time, the anticipation building inside of me for my guitar entrance. Max kept looking back at me, his usual smile playing at the corners of his lips. I wanted to look at Lucy, Jude, Prudence, or even Lap Girl, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from his.

"I want you so ba-a-a-a-ad. It's drivin' me mad, it's drivin' me mad." The last word in the entrance was barely audible for two reasons. One, it was so low that I had to quiet my voice just to reach and two, as soon as I hit it my fingers found their way down to my guitar and began to trail up and down, cranking out the notes in what might seem to be magic, but for me had been years of lessons from my older brother Desmond. But I couldn't think about Des right now, because if I did I would totally mess up. So I kept my mind on the melody, deciding last minutes to change the vocal part, thinking that it would sound cooler. Which it did. I continued to pluck away at the guitar, slowing down and speeding up as I had learned the song. That was Des's teaching, too. God damn it! Stop think about him!

"I want you!" I contorted my face, the word 'you' coming out loudly and strongly, just as I had imagined it. I created a lasting effect on the crowd, because even though I was still singing to Max, who was just eating this up, I could catch them tapping their feet and nodding their heads. I chose to believe this was my guitar work, which I had always been rather proud of. But abruptly my mind set changed when I saw Max begin to mouth the words back to me, just as soulfully as I had sung them. It took me a moment to realize he was mocking me. Still, he had just learned the words of a song he hadn't known five minutes ago, so there.

A little bit hurt by Max, I decided to stop the song, which was actually kind of long. I stepped back from the microphone and jammed a bit on the guitar, loving this particular part. I saw people's eyebrows shoot up, including Max's, but that was probably only because I had taken my eyes off of him. I stepped back to the mic for one last line. "I want yoooooooooou!" I leaned my head back, belting it with all I had, and strumming my guitar wildly, before ending it with suddenly slashing my hand down and making a loud, impressive echoing from the amp, something that I had been working at for years.

My head had fallen down when I had made my final move with the guitar, so I picked up, for some reason feeling rather embarrassed and quite ridiculous as I unplugged the guitar and shakily made my way off the stage. I didn't listen for the applause, and even if I had listened for them, I probably wouldn't have heard them my ears were ringing so loud, so I didn't really understand why when I got back to the booth Lucy jumped on me, acting as though I was famous or something.

"Ellie! That was so good! I can't believe it's been this long since you sang in front of actual people!" Actual people? What the hell? I hadn't sung in front of ANY people since Des…. I suppressed a shudder, blinking just as I had done before I had walked onto the stage. What had been nervous about, again? It couldn't be the singing, that I was pretty much okay with. And it was SO not the guitar, that was something that I was ALWAYS comfortable with.

Then I saw the expression on Max's face, and it all came back to me. This was why I wouldn't sing in front of people anymore, this was the reason that Des had whacked me back into reality. Most people, sane people, if you could call Max sane, didn't want to hear that crap. They didn't think that it was straight up, and actually the only time I was actually ever 'straight up' was when I was up there on that stage. But if you were someone who thought they saw through it, a Max or a Desmond, then you could tell that I was a fraud, and I couldn't just fake my way through life and suddenly be real up there. That wasn't fair. And Des had been around last time to make it clear and known to me, and I vividly remembered that.

"Eleanor Rigby," Max started in a perplexed tone, a voice that slightly matched the suspicious look on his features, "you were singing to me."

Lucy's eyes darted to me, but I refused to look at her. Everyone else had gone back to their previous doings, and I now stood, about two feet away from the booth, just staring at him, as I had nothing to say. I didn't even want to be talking to him in the first place, after earlier this week. I ran over my options, coming up with two. Lie, and say I was just staring into space and sound like an idiot, or tell him the truth, that yes I was singing to him, but not really because I wasn't singing TO him as much as singing AT him. But that would make me sound just as stupid. I chose option three.

I shouldered my way out of that place, not even listening to the random "Good job!"s and "Where'd you come from?"s. I could feel Max coming after me, hear him shouting my name, but found myself too caught up in thoughts and déjà vu to stop. I burst out of the doors just as Sadie and the Po Boys started back up. I hurried into the bright sunlight, Max still calling my name loudly, and it sounded as if it were closer to. I felt him roughly grab my arm as it swung behind me and spin me around. And even though he let go more gently, I still felt the tears that had started to gather in my eyes as I remembered being in this same exact position in a place so much like this one.

Max saw my tears and moved closer, reaching out to rub them away, but I flinched as I saw his hand come towards my face and he stopped. We stared at each other for a few more seconds until he repeated what he had said earlier.

"You were singing to me," he practically whispered. The corner of his mouth cocked up a little bit, as though the thought of me singing to him pleased him.

I ran my hand over my face tiredly, collecting all the wetness and rubbing it into my skin. "No, Max, you don't understand, I don't think of you that way."

Max was full on smiling now, though it didn't light up his eyes like usual. Actually, if you cut off the bottom half of his face and just looked at the top, you might think he was upset. "Really? Because from what it sounded like, you want me."

I shook my head at him, disappointed that he couldn't see that I was not in the mood for his antics right now. His smile faded, and he was staring at me so intensely with those pretty, sky blue eyes of his. I didn't understand the expression he wore, and I was trying very hard to place it. I felt one final tear slide down my face, and I reached up to brush it away, still staring at Max, when it dawned on me. I knew that expression, and I had seen quite a few times.

More memories came rushing out at me, the ones that were usually deeply suppressed by my wall, and I found that I was finding it difficult to hold onto everything I had worked so hard for. I gasped aloud, and Max fine blonde eyebrows bowed in concern. I felt the tears prickling behind my eyes once again.

"Eleanor Rigby," he murmured almost inaudibly. Unfortunately, it was loud enough for me to hear, and with that, Max swung the death blow that made my wall crumble to the ground. It was that one moment, one dazzling, spectacular, horrifying moment, when all my senses sharpened. I could make out every strand of Max's golden locks, I could hear the intake of every breath he took, feel a light breeze as it tinkled through my hair, and, for the first time in three years, I was very, very aware of my surroundings. It was pure bliss.

But as everybody knows, all good things come to an end. The memories poured down on me, a thousand different voices, strange flashing lights, the sound of a gavel as a judge demanded everyone's apt attention, the chirpy sound of Lucy laughing, the hum of crickets on a warm summer's night, the smell of prison, Max screaming insults at Bobby Marx, and the maniacal laughter of a mad man. The flooded my entire body, my wall no longer there to hold them back, and weighed me down so much that I fell to the ground. The new razor-sharpness of my senses blinded me, and I cowered on the ground, feeling someone's arms around me, only reminding me more of one of the men that I had been teetering in my consciousness for years. I wrapped my arms around my body, trying desperately to hold myself together, while every little thing that I had hidden away in my entire life flowed freely out of my eyes.

And then it was over. I must have blanked out, fainted or something. The last thing I remember was the feel of someone holding me, trying to help me with the impossible task of holding it in. When I woke up, I did not know if the wall would return. I did not know if I was going to be all right, I just didn't know. I stayed still for a moment, unsure of where I was, when all of a sudden I thought of him again, and I was remembering, and I was so scared.

And to think, it had all been brought on by Max, my best friend's older brother. What had happened after I sang? Everything was a bit fuzzy to me now, and all I could really remember was that he had been the last thing I had seen before I had crumbled. Just one last shot of his face: his dark blonde hair, his glittering, worry filled bright blue eyes, his straight nose, his dark pink, thin lips, and the light, almost invisible dusting of freckles across his nose, something that I had always known was there (seeing as they were darker when we were kids), though someone meeting him now would never know it. Yes, this had been the last image I had seen before I closed my eyes, but it was also the first one I had seen when I opened them up again.

**Okay! That's chapter five. That was way longer than had anticipated, though I didn't even anticipate this update at all, but whatever. Please let me know what you think of Ellie's singing! I wasn't sure, you know with Sadie and Jojo being the music people in the movie, but I just thought that it seemed to fit so well. Sorry, I'm rambling again. By the way, I absolutely hate people who just read and move on without reviewing. If you hate it beyond belief then let me know! I really want to know! REVIEW!!!**


	6. A Whole New World

**I'm having some major second thoughts about doing that song in my fic. I mean, I Want You (She's So Heavy) was already in the movie in a totally different scene. It was kinda stupid of me to just stick it in there. Besides, I LOVE LOVE LOVE the way Pru sings it at the end of the song…ugh, goosebumps. So I'm very sorry if you feel the same way, but I just wanted to stick a song in there somewhere. Also, from now on, I'm going to be sticking little song quotes into either the dialogue or the thoughts, so watch for it! This is chapter six, and thanks to those who have been sticking with the story so long!**

I felt brand new.

The sun shining in my bedroom window was brighter than usual, and it seemed to warm me from the outside in. I hated the sun before, but today I loved it. Then there was the feel of the comforter I was wrapped up in. I wasn't stupid; I knew that the comforter on my bed wasn't dark red, and I knew it didn't smell like spearmint and smoke, and I also knew that I never slept with my own duvet, often because I hated the scratchy feel of it. But this one was thick and light cotton. It was a simple thing, really, but right now it made all the difference in the world.

Who in the hell's room was I in?

I didn't move for a second, taking a moment to adjust myself to this new world, so different from the one that I watched under the shelter of my wall. Eventually, I stirred enough that I could see that I was not alone in this bed, and my first thought was 'Holy shit, what did I do?'. But then I took a breath and rolled all the way up, the thick top blanket slithering down from my shoulders, and faced my partner.

I was the blue of his eyes first. Whenever I looked at Max, this was always the first thing that I saw. But right now they were so much more intense; the blue of them looked ice cold, as though it had frozen over night. I saw that there were deep purple circles beneath them, and his complexion looked waxen. I couldn't help the tiny gasp that escaped my throat at the sight of him; it was just so unexpected. But then, suddenly, this strange feeling melted over my stomach. I wasn't exactly to sure what it was, but if felt good. Wonderful, in fact. Something I could definitely get used to. This thought made me smile, a real, genuine, not forced smile, and that, too, felt incredible.

Max's cold cerulean eyes melted at the sight of my grin, and then he was beaming full-on at me, changing the intense look on his face to one more familiar, more Maxish. He pushed his covers off of himself and ran a hand through his tangled, blonde hair. "Morning, sunshine."

Anyone else would have run away screaming, thinking that hell had frozen over and the world was ending, if I had just smiled out of the blue, but not Max. He just went along with it, as though this happened all the time. Which led me to my reply.

"Why the hell am I in your bed?"

The smile slipped off his face, and the warm fuzzies in my center faded a bit. I wanted so desperately to see him smile again. "Ah, I was wondering where my Ellie had gone."

HIS Ellie? Excuse me? I shook it off, not knowing what to make of the twinge that had jolted through me at his words. Had that always been happening? Was that new? Why were other people's words suddenly effecting me like this?

"Dodging questions much?" I asked, lowering my eyes, unable to take the heat of his stare. I mean, seriously. Why did he have to have such sexy eyes?

_What?_ I asked myself. _Did I really just think that Max had sexy eyes? I didn't really think this, or I might have been conscious of it for, oh, I don't know, EIGHTEEN YEARS!!! No, you are being irrational right now. You just need a deep, calming breath, and you need to take control of your thoughts. Max is like your brother. Why else would he want you in his bed without doing anything? Get serious here!_

I pulled myself together after my momentary lapse, and it almost felt like old times. One side of my brain would be thinking whatever it wanted, totally on a rampage against everything; nothing was safe. And the other half would be trying to talk myself out from really thinking those things, trying to rationalize every little thing. That was the side that I heard the least often, though it was always present, berating me and telling me what to do. It was like constantly having my only (and older) sister with me on my shoulder. I hadn't heard it fully yell at me for a long time, and I didn't know what to make of it.

"I brought you back here after your…spill." It was funny how he called it that, a 'spill'. Because that was exactly what it was; memories and thoughts and things I didn't want to think just pouring out from behind my wall, the cracks in the foundation leaking to the point where they just burst open, everything, well, spilling out.

I nodded, still a bit unsure of the situation, and took in my new surroundings. Max's walls were littered with posters of everything from girls in bikinis to cars to rock stars. The few parts of the walls that were still bare were the same deep red as the comforter that lay around us now. His bed was located centrally in his room, and the floor around us was dotted with various articles of clothing, all of them worn-looking. On top of his white-but-actually-not-so-white-any-more dresser was a fat baggie of dope, looking unopened and fresh. For some reason, the sight of the drug made me get a shiver down my spine, as though I should for some reason tell Max not to smoke it, even though he had been doing it ever since we were kids.

"Why didn't you put me back into my own bed?" I inquired, my eyes finding his again. He looked exhausted, as though he had stayed up all night, and he merely shrugged tiredly at my question.

"I wanted to keep an eye on you."

I still wanted to know why he couldn't have put me in my room and just checked on me every once in a while. That was what was normal, what was expected from friends. But then again, when had Max ever been normal? "And you had to sleep in the same bed as me?"

Was it just me, or did he blush a little bit? What was going on? I though briefly that maybe someone else was in my bed, but dismissed that immediately. That was stupid. Anyways, there was no reason in the world for Max to be uncomfortable around me; I had seen him do a lot worse.

"I didn't sleep," he grunted, leaning back into his now abandoned pillows. I moved out of the way, scooting down towards the end of the bed. He closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them back up again. "You're alright, aren't you?"

I thought about this. Was I all right? I was certainly questioning things more than I had been last night. Everything was sharper all around me, and I was only just getting used to it. But was I physically hurt? I moved myself around a bit, checking for bumps and bruises. "Yeah, I guess so."

He nodded sleepily. "That's good…." His eyelids drooped again, and right when I was about to ask him what exactly happened last night, I heard his breathing get deeper.

Something went off inside of me at the sight of Max slumbering. I don't know exactly what it was, the only thing that I could really think of was the whole thing with my senses, and I still wasn't sure what was going on with that. All that I know was that as soon as his light snores started to escape from his nose, something inside of my body tried to pull me forward, like two magnets. The longing came from deep inside of me, somewhere around the base of the wall that was trying to rebuild itself in my heart.

The ache in my center continued, until I had no choice but to lean forward, very unsure of what I was doing. My face hovered about his hesitantly, not too sure at what I was planning to do once I was here. I slowly lowered my lips until they made contact with the middle of his forehead, and I felt my insides explode. Not literally, but almost. My heart started beating irregularly and by stomach contracted to a size so inhumanly small that I thought that I was going to throw it up. I quickly pulled my lips away, not even noticing that Max was hardly even breathing. I sprang up from the bed, my heartbeats pushing on my chest painfully. Why did I do that?

I practically ran out of Max's room, terrified that I had woke him up with that uncontrollable kiss. Why had I even done that anyways? It wasn't like I liked Max that way. He was my best friend's older brother, a boy I'd known all my life! It wasn't like things could just all of a sudden change, not just in the blink of an eye.

I was desperately trying to get a hold of my thoughts when I walked into the kitchen, running smack into Lucy, who was shuffling over to the coffee machine. Some liquid was already percolating in it, so I knew someone else must be up.

"What the heck, El?" Lucy cried, stumbling backwards into the kitchen table. "You look like you just robbed a bank!" God, that was exactly how I felt! Nauseated, guilty, unsure of myself. It was a miserable feeling, really. I had to remind myself never to rob a bank, or the aftermath would be quite horrible.

"Why didn't you tell Max to let me sleep in my own bed?" I blurted, taken aback that these words had come out of my mouth. I hadn't even realized that I blamed Lucy for what happened, but now that I thought about it, why hadn't she stopped him? He was her brother for God's sake.

Lucy rolled her Max-like eyes, pulling a large mug out of the nearest cupboard and filling it to the brim with the steaming coffee. "We tried to tell him that you would be pissed, but he was just so insistent." I couldn't help but wonder why exactly that was. Would Max purposely stick me in his own bed and not get any sleep whatsoever just to keep an eye on me? That didn't sound like the Max I knew, not one bit.

"Well you were right." I announced, pouring myself a cup of the bitter liquid and sitting across from her at the table. I took a quick sip, relishing in the taste of it. Why hadn't I noticed before how good coffee tasted? This was amazing! Who made this stuff, anyways?

Lucy frowned at me. "You sure are feisty today. And you don't drink your coffee black. Are you alright, Ellie?"

I blinked several times, taking this all in. I didn't drink my coffee black? Well then what the hell did I put in it? And I was being feisty? I thought back on my pervious words, startled at how easy it was to do this. It must have been my tone, but then again, I used that tone all the time in my head, and it wasn't really all that unusual.

"No, actually, I don't really know-" I started to tell her about the whole seeing the world for the first time thing when I was suddenly cut off by the entrance of a chipper Jude, who walked through the door humming a song under his breath.

"'Ello, ladies! Did you see I made some coffee?" Jude chirped, bouncing in all smiles and laughs. I started up at him, seriously wanting to kill him, before I realized it had been him who had made the coffee. My annoyance vanished at my realization, and I smiled lightly and tilted my mug towards him in answer.

Now that I was really looking at him, I found that Jude was really handsome. How hadn't I noticed before? He was tall and slim, with messy, dark brown hair and dark chocolate eyes. His easy grin slid onto his face as soon as I acknowledged him, and Lucy watched us both hesitantly from behind her mug.

Jude sat down at our table next to Luce and across from me. "What are you girls up to today?" He took a deep drink from his coffee and placed it on the tabletop.

"I don't really know, but…." She trailed off, the reproachful look on her face fading and being replaced by one of panic. "Oh, no! I was supposed to go to a rally today in the park!" She leapt from her seat, the table shaking violently, and sprinted into our room. Jude stared after her, chuckling.

"She's a funny girl, your Lucy," he mumbled in my general direction. It felt oddly natural to be talking to Jude, almost as though I had been doing it all my life.

"Not really," I said bluntly. And really, she wasn't. Lucy was by the book, radical in her actions but always calm and focused in her head. Jude's mouth popped open for a second, as though wondering if that was really what I had said, and after a minute he snapped it shut again.

"Erm…." He cocked his head at me like he was trying to figure something out.

It took me a moment to realize that I had actually spoken my mind again. What was the matter with me? One hard night and I was already starting to lose control? I slapped my hand over my mouth and gave Jude a strangled, "Sorry."

He tilted his back to its normal position, then started to laugh. It was a nice laugh, not wild and crazy and addicting like Max's, but deep and happy and carefree. "No, Lucy isn't the funny one. It's you, Miss Ellie."

I blushed a little bit, hiding my head, and decided that I would give him the reason that I was behaving like I was. After all, it was rather strange of me to be so real in front of real people. "Yeah, I don't know what's been happening. It's like this: I go around, and I say things and I live my life, right? Like a normal person. And then, I have this whole big thing going on in my head, where I say what I really want to say and I try to picture other people's reactions. Except that always STAYS in my head, I never risk it and say anything out loud. Well, I shouldn't say never, because apparently I just did."

By the expression on Jude's face, I knew that I had said far too much. I mean, I hadn't planned at all on saying anything to him, and now all of a sudden I was telling him things that even Lucy had to work out for herself. But Jude didn't look judgmental, more thoughtful than anything, I guess. He just sort of nodded and got up to put our coffee mugs in the sink.

"Well, sometimes I think it may be better to be guarded than to be so open. I mean, you'll get hurt less, that's for sure. But also maybe…maybe it's not as bad as you think it is. Maybe living in your own head will benefit you someday. Maybe you'll be an author or something, that is, if you ever decide to filter anything out of your mind."

I thought hard about this, unsure of what to say. What could I say? I mean, it wasn't exactly like he had just asked me a simple question or anything. "It just gets so _lonely_." I was surprised that these words had come out of my mouth. I hadn't even been aware that I had been thinking them. But once they were said, they just seemed so…right. I WAS lonely. Even my tone suggested that this was the complete and utter truth, laced as it was with agony.

Jude bit his lip, looking down at me. He took a few step forward and knelt in front of me. "You can talk to me," he whispered, staring me straight into the eye. Then he amended, "If you're lonely you can talk to me."

I felt tears grabbing at the insides of my eyes. He was a nice guy, Jude was. I couldn't believe there was ever a time when I had doubted this. However, I knew that he was just saying this; he didn't really know what was going on. "You think you know, but you haven't got a clue."

Jude stared at me point blank, frowning, still trying to figure me out. I felt my tears slide down my face. Nobody knew, not really. I was feeling so misunderstood and miserable when he wrapped his arms around my waist, and I leaned forward and buried my face into his shoulder. My sobs heaved at my chest, and I remembered last night all of a sudden, images flying through my mind like leaves in the wind.

I saw him, staring down at me through my mental theatre, a sneer firmly in place. He reached his hands down yanked me from where I lay near his feet. "Do it!" he bellowed, shaking me hard as I cried and pleaded with him to let me go. He didn't.

Back in real life, Jude murmured into my ear. "What's happened to you? Help me understand."

Salt water still streaming, I pulled my head back to get a good read on his expression (he looked quite mystified) and choked back my weeping so that I could say something. "You d-don't know what it's l-like to listen to your f-f-fears." My voice sounded weak and shaky, and I could still see the man in my mind, swinging his fist into my stomach, knocking the wind out me.

Jude bit his lip again, pulling me in for another hug. We stayed like this for a long few minutes, until we heard footsteps coming at us from the hallway.

"Okay, I'm going to-" Lucy stopped dead when she entered, seeing Jude and me spring apart and me wipe of my tears gingerly. Jude hopped to his feet and I sat back in my chair, still a bit shaken.

"You're going to the rally, then, Luce?" Jude asked her, rooted to his spot of floor.

Lucy didn't say anything, her expression seemingly blank but her eyes dancing with feeling. I could tell how angry she was, and I desperately wanted to leap up and tell her nothing happened. But I couldn't. I was too frail right now to do anything more than cower from her rage. She looked from Jude, to me, to Jude, and then back to me. Slowly, she opened up her mouth. At first nothing came out, and she just stood there, frowning a bit, her mouth open. I'm sure we would have been a sight to see, had anyone else been around.

"Ellie…I…." Lucy finally found her voice, now searching for the horrible words that were soon to hit me smack in the face. "I…I can't _believe _you!" she hissed, spinning around on her heel and stomping out to the door.

The silence in the kitchen was almost unbearable, it was so loud. Me and Jude looked at each other, speechless, and after a second I sighed, pushing myself up from the chair. "I'll go get her."

**Wow, that's the longest thing I think I've ever written for fanfiction! This was a super hard chapter for me to write, so I'm just telling you that in case it sucked in some parts and I wasn't aware :^)))) Pride points to whoever can tell me what song the lyrics (hint hint hint, then was more than one lyric!!) came from and what the lyrics were. Of course it was a Beatles song, I'll give you that. Just warning you, it's not the most obvious song in the collection, so be on the lookout!**

**Do me a favor, pretty please, and REVIEW THIS CHAPTER!!! I mean it!!! Review, and that means you!**


	7. Wait, What?

**I had the greatest idea. Many of my readers will protest, and for that I am sorry, but hopefully, some of you will get that it's an era, and whatever happens is what happens in the 60s. Or at least, that's my understanding. Nothing will necessarily happen in this very chapter, but something is coming up, so be ready for it to hit you. Chapter seven, away!**

"Lucy! Lucy, come on!" I ran down the hall chasing my friend out to the stairs. I could see her taking them two at a time, practically jumping down them. "Lucy!"

She abruptly halted in her tracks, her naming ringing out around us hauntingly in the stair room. She turned her head to look at me, and her dainty features were twisted with betrayal. "_What?_" she sneered. "Did you want to tell me that it was all a misunderstanding, that he was just being nice, that you guys are just friends? Yeah, that IS it? Well, then don't bother, Ellie, this has just been one too many times for me."

I knew that she didn't mean it. I knew that when she came back from her little peace rally thing she'd be all better, hugging us all and telling us that she loved us. But somehow I couldn't see anything past her bright red face, her heavy frown, her hurt eyes. I took a few steps down and towards her, feeling the sudden urge to be close to her, to comfort her. I hadn't felt that in a long time.

"I'm sorry. Do you think that I even CONSIDERED Jude even for one second after I knew how much you liked him? He's a _nice guy_, Lucy. That's all." Her face became blank again, and I wondered what she was thinking. Did you believe me? I certainly hoped she did, because for once, I was telling her the absolute truth.

It seemed like hours before Lucy finally let a tiny bit of emotion stray onto her face. Just a tiny, strained grimace. "I want to believe that so much, Ellie. And if it were any other day, I would have shook it off in seconds. But, I don't know, today you just seem so…different." She ran a hand tiredly through her hair. "I can't figure out what it is. It's like…like ever since you had that dehydration-collapse yesterday-"

I had to cut her off. "Wait, what?"

Lucy looked just as confused as I was feeling. "Dehydration-collapse. You, know after you sang and all? Yeah, when Max brought you home, he told everybody that you had been feeling a little under the weather, complaining that you were thirsty, and then he was talking to you outside and you fainted."

I was astounded by her words. Max had lied for me? Why had he done that? I had just assumed that everybody knew that I had practically broken down last night. But they all thought I was dehydrated? That was new.

"Oh…oh, yeah, right." I tried to look casual, probably unsuccessfully, and looked away from Lucy. That would explain why she was watching me so uneasily this morning. Or it was because I was actually talking to Jude. That could have contributed.

"So…what now?" She looked away shyly, like we were in second grade again and we had just had our official first fight as best friends.

I shrugged, kicking a scuff mark she had left on the stair I was on with my bare toe. "It doen't matter. Just…just don't assume things like that anymore, you know? You CAN trust me." I looked up again, finally getting this off my chest. I had wanted to say this to her for years, but I had never found the right moment. And right now I was kind of saying everything I was thinking, so that was probably what had sent it out.

"I know, I know. You don't have to say it. I feel…I feel like a bitch." Lucy stared at something over my shoulder for a moment, then smiled, then looked back at me. "And I know, it's usually you that is saying that." She giggled, not hiding her cockiness.

I had to laugh a little bit, too. It wasn't like that wasn't true. "Hey, now. Watch it, Carrigan, I can still get mad when I want to."

Lucy gave me an I'm-so-scared kind of look and rolled her eyes. "You wouldn't hurt a fly."

I gave her a mock-doubtful look. "You never know. How big is said fly?"

Luce pretended to be thoughtful, tapping her chin with her finger. "Hmmm, no bigger than the average house fly, I would presume."

I bit back my smile. "Well, then, you never know. I suppose if that fly was being particularly bothersome, then I might. That's just it; life is what happens when you're making other plans."

Lucy stopped with our little game to give the weirdest look. "Ummm, what?"

I shrugged again. "I don't know. Didn't someone once say that?"

Lucy burst into laughter, bending at her knees and grabbing her stomach. "NO!" she squealed through big, hearty bursts of giggles. "Where do you get this stuff?"

I smiled lightly, reveling in the fact that I had made this all better again. Lucy wiped tears from her eyes, beaming at me and shaking her head. "You're impossible, you know that?" Then her face turned more serious and she stood up straighter. "But I love you. And I want you to know that I'll always be here for you to talk to or anything you need. I mean it. Don't hesitate to ask."

I was alarmed at the abrupt turn in her tone, but wasn't too altogether mystified. It was part of her Lucyness. She was fun and passionate and fearless, but that came along with the moodiness and the whining. It was a fair balance, but I had to remember to tell Jude.

"Yeah, I know, Luce. You know I love you, too, and I got your back." I grinned, glad to have said that. It had taken me forever, because I had never been to sure of myself, afraid that once I said it she would turn around and laugh in my face. But I hadn't over-thought it times a million, and I had just let it roll off my tongue. And it felt good.

However, as soon as I had said it, I realized that Lucy wasn't the only person that I loved that needed to know. I made a pact with myself to tell them all, as soon as I saw them, probably during various times, how I felt. I always assumed that it was just a known thing, but apparently sometimes it had to be said.

Lucy leaned in and gave me a quick hug, pulled back, and said, while looking over my shoulder. "I gotta go. Peace, love, all of that. But I'll be back in a little while."

She waggled her fingers at someone behind me, and before I could move she was bounding down the stairs, happy as could be. It took me a moment to finally turn around, and when I did, no one was there.

* * *

Why had she done that? I wondered and wondered and wondered the whole time I was supposed to be 'sleeping' and never once could I come up with an answer. Last night had been…eye-opening, to say the least. Eye-opening in the fact that I could suddenly see all the pain she had kept safely hidden away, and that even when watching her sleep, I was seeing things I never had before. I didn't know she talked in her sleep, and I had no idea about that her lips were so big. No, really, I had never actually noticed. They were full and cherry red and very soft looking. So much so that…. No, never mind. I did NOT just think that.

And then, when she did wake up, I could tell immediately that she had changed. For the better, I was not (or am not) completely sure. Not yet, anyways. She was talking to me more, kind of like she used to when she was a kid. And I think she was surprised to hear some of the words coming out of her own mouth. She _smiled _at me, just completely randomly, when she WOKE UP. _I_ don't even smile when I first wake up. And the thrill of seeing her there, in my bed, smiling up at me, it was just great. Because, you know, I was scared that she wasn't gonna be okay for a minute there.

But what had caused me not to fall into a much needed deep sleep was probably the kiss. Okay, so it was a measly kiss on the FOREHEAD, but it had stopped my heart when she did it. It was so out of the blue…I don't even know. All's that I remember was that I had been drifting off when I suddenly heard the bed creak, and then I felt those soft, luscious lips being rested on my skin. It was enough to get me hard right there, had I felt that way about her. My breath caught and I felt like I was floating for a moment, but then it abruptly stopped and the feeling was gone. I heard her gasp and then spring off the bed, her feet pattering on the hardwood of the floor in my bedroom.

And now (I had finally dragged myself out of bed) I couldn't find her. At first I had figured that she had taken off somewhere with Luce, or that maybe she was just trying to get away from me, but then I ran into a pale faced (or I should say, and even paler than usual) Jude standing in the kitchen, staring at the front door, where I could just hear Ellie calling Lucy's name.

"What the hell happened?" I asked, looking around and seeing that nothing was damaged in the kitchen, so Luce couldn't have been THAT mad. I wondered who was at fault, Jude or Ellie? Or both? But what could they BOTH have done that would get Lucy upset…?

Jude must have seen my foreboding expression, because he said quickly, "No! It was a misunderstanding. Ellie just-"

But that was all that I needed to hear. That girl! I had tried to tell her, but then she blew up at me for jumping to conclusions, and now look where she was. She just never listens! If she just did what I said, half of her troubles would be non-existent.

I rocketed toward the door, peeking my head out in time to catch a glimpse of Lucy, standing on the stairs and gazing at Ellie, who had her back to me. "-think that I even CONSIDERED Jude even for one second after I knew how much you liked him? He's a _nice guy_, Lucy. That's all." Ellie was saying this, her tone was soft and heart-felt. My heart swelled at the sound.

Lucy frowned, hesitating a bit before saying, "I want to believe that so much, Ellie. And if it were any other day, I would have shook it off in seconds. But, I don't know, today you just seem so…different." Lucy ran a hand through her hair, looking thoroughly beaten. "I can't figure out what it is. It's like…like ever since you had that dehydration-collapse yesterday-"

Shit! No, Lucy, no! I'm gonna be in so much God damned trouble! Why hadn't I thought to tell her not to say anything about it to Ellie? I only told them that so that I wouldn't have to answer so many questions. And also…I don't know. It just seemed like Ellie wouldn't want them to know that her personal demons ever got the best of her. She likes to portray herself as Superwoman, I think.

"Wait, what?" Uh-oh, I knew that tone. That was her I-know-you-did-NOT-just-say-that voice. It hardly ever meant good news. I couldn't see her expression, but I knew that her newly unguarded eyes would display her anger towards me.

"Dehydration-collapse. You, know after you sang and all? Yeah, when Max brought you home, he told everybody that you had been feeling a little under the weather, complaining that you were thirsty, and then he was talking to you outside and you fainted." I could see Lucy's face, and I could also she how worried she was. Like she thought that when Ellie collapsed she hit her head on something and had short term memory loss, or something.

I could almost hear the thoughts running through her head. But what was she going to say? I could almost feel the light tickle of butterflies in my stomach. Wait…what?

"Oh…oh, yeah, right." What? She was going along with it? Relief flooded through me, and I looked up as a shadow fell over me. _Shit, I've been caught_, I immediately thought, but when I looked up, I saw that it was Jude standing above me, and he crouched down to hide next to me.

"What's going on?" he mouthed, taking a peek at the girls outside, still looking worried.

"I think Ellie apologized, and I think it's gonna be okay. Lucy seems distracted, at least," I whispered back to him. We both leaned forward to see beyond the door, just as Lucy happened to look up. She stared at us for a moment, seemingly perplexed. Jude ran his index finger along his throat, telling her to ignore us as best as he could. She smiled and looked back to Ellie.

"And I know, it's usually you that is saying that." She laughed openly, apparently not afraid that Ellie would take this the wrong way, though I had no idea what had been said before.

"Hey, now. Watch it, Carrigan, I can still get mad when I want to." I was relieved to hear that Ellie's tone was light and joking, because I had heard these same exact words before in a much scarier tone. Let's just say, you don't want to get Ellie mad. It's the one time (besides when she's playing her music) that she really lets loose. And it gets pretty bad.

Jude turned to me, once we could hear that the girls were safely bantering and laughing about something else, and murmured, "I think I might have messed up with your sister."

I thought about this. It wouldn't be hard, messing up with Luce. She was a bit moody and overly dramatic, so I could see where this misunderstanding had happened. Though I still didn't know exactly what happened.

"What did you do, anyways?" I was sort of glad he had brought it up again, seeing as I kind of wanted to know how Ellie had broken my one rule and guideline for her. Not that I would say anything to her right now, not while she was still in this fragile state. No, I wanted it for later, when I could use it against her sometime.

Jude sighed, shaking his head. "Ellie was looking a bit lost, and I swore to meself that I would help her out, so she was cryin' and I hugged her and then Lucy walked in." He ran a hand through his already messy hair, closing his eyes for a moment, and then opening them up again. "You don't think I screwed up too badly, do you?"

What could I say? I mean, I knew my sister, and I knew that while she wasn't mad at Ellie anymore, Jude would have to work much harder to be let off the hook. But I could always just blur the edges for him, couldn't I? "Nah, just give her some time, that's all." I decided not to say anything more; I didn't want to push it.

Jude nodded, his eyes distant, before motioning for me to look out the door again, hearing that their conversation had become serious once more. Lucy leaned in to hug her friend, her eyes finding Jude this time, and she mouthed, "I'll talk to you later." She looked dead serious.

"I gotta go. Peace, love, all of that. But I'll be back in a little while." Ellie nodded solemnly, and Lucy waved each of her fingers at us over Ellie's shoulder. I expected her to turn around, but she didn't, instead watching Lucy hop down the stairs, singing merrily under her breath.

I ducked back inside, jumping onto the couch and pulling out a ciggie from my pocket. Jude turned and headed back into his room/studio, mumbling something about needing to finish some drawing he had promised someone.

Moments later, Ellie walked into the room, looking a bit dazed and insecure. I looked up at her entrance, and sprang into a decent position, whipping my smoke out of my mouth. I watched her for a second, her eyes straying around the room, until finally she found my gaze, and something just intensified. The air seemed electric, and I wanted to leap off the couch and run to her. It was the strangest feeling…almost as though she was pulling me in.

"We need to talk," she said evenly, setting her mouth in a straight line. I bit my lip, slowly getting off the couch to meet her in the middle of the room. I don't know why I did it; wouldn't it have been better if we had just sat on the couch together? But it felt good to take those little steps over to her, to satisfy that momentary longing to be near her.

"About what?" I wanted to know, frowning. I wasn't really one for hiding my emotion.

She looked down, then her gaze shot straight up at me, making my heartbeat stutter in surprise. "You lied about what happened." Ah, so she WAS going to bring up the whole dehydration-collapse thing, wasn't she?

"Yes…and?"

She gave me her most annoyed look. "Max, you dumbass! You can't just lie about things like that!" She crossed her arms across her chest protectively, leaning away from me a little bit. My body immediately responded to that, closing the gap she had just made.

"Why not? It was better for me, better for you." I wasn't going to let her turn a good deed on my part into something bad. I mean, where was the fairness in that?

"Okay, so people don't think I'm completely crazy, but how does that benefit you?" she asked skeptically. She raised one eyebrow, something that I had always wanted to be able to do. She had tried to teach me this one time, but I had just looked like I had a lazy eye or something. Nothing sexy about that.

"Less questions." I smiled quirkily at her, showing all my teeth. This threw her off, I was sure, because she dropped her eyebrow and her arms became slack. Her mouth dropped open, and, in realizing what she had done, snapped it shut, flushing furiously.

She nodded slowly, her tongue moistening her lips. This was incredibly sexy, whether she realized it or not, and I found that my eyes were traveling along with the tip of her tongue, completely transfixed.

"MAX!" she yelled, apparently not for the first time, and my eyes snapped up to hers. They were dark, denim blue and oh, so innocent looking, thought I knew that if I looked far enough into them I would find a most unpleasant part of her that was not so innocent, not at all. I didn't want to see this part of her right now, though.

Our eyes met again, and I found it impossible to look away. I was completely taken with her, and my mind drifted into a haze. I was seeing, but not really seeing, hearing, but not really hearing, and not thinking, not at all. I started to lean forward, and Ellie stayed planted where she was, her eyes wide, fearful, foreboding. I knew that she didn't want this, but still, I couldn't stop myself. It was like my mind had shut off and my body was working overtime and doing both jobs. Though I really wished it wouldn't.

I was inches away from her lips when I suddenly heard the front door slam open, tiny feet pattering across the floor, and a loud voice filling my ears. "ELLIE! MAX! JUDE! WHERE ARE YOU GU-"

Prudence stopped halfway into the living room, catching sight of me and Ellie. Seeing her brought my mind back to its real state, and I took a quick step back. Ellie spun around, a huge, false smile planted on her face. "Oh," Pru breathed. She looked down the hall, quite uncomfortable.

It was silent for a moment before she spoke again. "What were you guys doin'?" She gave Ellie a sly grin, which totally wiped El's right off. She raised her eyebrows at me when Ellie didn't say anything.

"We were just, uh, talking. About…about you actually!" Prudence's eyebrows shot up even further, almost into her hairline, when I said this. "Yeah, we were just saying how since Ellie collapsed last night, she never had a chance to get a tour of the city. We were thinking that you two could do that today and then meet me and Jude and Luce at the bar later on. Isn't that right, Ellie?"

Ellie nodded vigorously. "Oh, yeah," she said exaggeratedly, "that would be perfect, wouldn't it?"

Pru rolled her eyes, totally not buying it but going along with it anyways. "Yeah, why not? Let's get going then, huh?" She reached forward, dragging Ellie by her elbow. El shot me a desperate look, and I immediately intervened.

"Wait, Ellie just got up. Don't you think you should give her a minute?" She shot me a look of gratitude, and Prudence just sighed, dropping her arm, and waved her off.

"Go on, then. Exactly one minute starting…now!" Ellie, happy to just get out of there for a second, pushed past me and raced into her room.

Prudence looked up at me (and when I say looked UP, I mean it. That girl was as short as they come) and shook her head. "So, Maxwell, are you going to tell me what was REALLY going on?"

For a second, I actually thought about telling her the truth. Then I thought better of it, seeing as I don't exactly know the truth for myself. I just shrugged, turning around and heading down the hallway, calling over my shoulder, "I'll see you at the bar, Pru. Have fu-un!" I sung the last word, slamming my door before it was all out. I seriously need a few hits, pronto.

**Oops, I forgot about the song lyrics! But seriously, where could I have put them? If you think you know tell me, because I thought of nada. I hope you weren't too confused, but to clarify, the first half or so was in Ellie's POV and the second in Max's. I was just experimenting, so tell me if you completely hate it. Like I said, some scandalous things are coming up, and can anyone see how that could possibly be set up? Anyone? Review and answer, please!**


	8. Keep Your Clothes On, Kid

**I update so quickly, don't you think? One might assume I have no social life, when, in fact, that is the opposite of true. So when does this magic (if I do say so myself) happen? I stay up late…. John Tucker Must Die reference, LOVE IT!!! Hehe, double quoting…LOVE IT!!! Okay for those of you have absolutely no idea what the hell is going on, I'll just get on with it. Here is the aforementioned (I adore that word) scandalous chapter. Chapter eight!**

Max was so fucking drunk.

And I, unlike most people I know, use that word with care. So when you hear me using it, you know I mean business. And it wasn't like I hadn't seen Max drunk before; it wasn't that rare. But he was…well, he was completely smashed. And it was the funniest thing I had seen in forever.

"I AM THE WALRUS!" Max shouted at the top of his lungs, making two women seated a few stools away exchange a look and scamper away.

"Aw, come on, girls! Don't leave on account of me!" he called after them. They gave him another disgusted look and continued out the door. "Women," he slurred, now turning to me and giving me a sloppy grin.

Jude and Lucy had long since disappeared, Lucy saying that she could no longer take Max's antics and that she needed to 'talk' to Jude about this morning. That had been way earlier, and Lucy had told me they were going to the docks. Jude loved it there, or so she had told me, and I figured they wouldn't be coming back.

Prudence sat next to me, though she was talking to some the black haired bar-slut I had met on my first night in New York. Every once in a while she would look over at me, checking to see if I had stopped with my tolerance of Max's drunken behavior. Any other night I would have been gone by now, but today I was here to have a good time.

"Hey, Max, what time is it?" I asked, thinking about how late it must be. We had finished our tour earlier than expected, and had started bar-hopping prematurely. He looked over at me, his eyes narrowed, and shook his head exasperatedly.

"I don't know, little Miss Ellie, what do I look like? Fucking Father Time?" He collapsed into a fit of giggles on the bar top. The man that was supposed to be tending shot me a look, nodding toward Max. I nodded, then tried to pry Max's fingers off the bar.

"C'mon, Max. We don't wanna get kicked out." He suddenly stopped his laughter, squinting up at me.

"We're gonna have to _leave_?" he whispered, widening his eyes. I nodded my head, trying to make it sink in, like he was a little kid and I was the teacher. He leaned back up, not saying anything. I finished off my fifth beer, relishing in my buzz.

But not five minutes later (and three fourths more of another beer for me) a loud, screeching song burst to life in the club. People cheered and hopped off their bar stools, leading each other to the dance floor. Max perked right up.

"I LOVE this song!" he yelled, throwing his hands in the air and pumping his fists. The melody became increasingly ragged, and Max began to rock his air guitar. He leapt to his feet, making wild, exaggerated movements. I started to laugh, he looked so ridiculous. Pru turned away from the girl she was chatting up, pointing him out to several passersby.

The song began to build up to the climax, and I watched, to my horror, as Max began to climb up onto the bar top. He began on his knees, his fingers moving over the air in intricate patterns. He slowly rose on to his feet, the song reaching its peak on the guitar. The bartender jumped to his feet, trying to shoo Max away. Max dropped his hands, now screaming the lyrics to the song, and ran backwards along the circular bar, laughing hysterically between words and taunting the tender.

Soon, it seemed everybody in the place was watching, chanting, "Ma-ax, Ma-ax, Ma-ax!" The boy himself chortled in delight, totally forgetting about the song and enjoying himself far more than necessary with tapping people on the heads as he ran by them.

The bartender stalked off, and I figured this could not mean anything good. Me and Pru turned to each other, wide-eyed with a mixture of panic and amusement at our friend, and turned back to the bar, calling, "Max Carrigan, get over here!"

He saw us calling him, and ran over to us like a puppy bringing us back a fetched stick. He didn't hop down from the counter, however, but began to thrust his hips in time to a new song. Right in my face.

"MAX!" I shrieked, cackling madly. Everyone in the club continued to cheer him on, booing when the bartender showed up again, accompanied by a much larger bouncer. The man held his hand out to Max, and he took it, jumping down from the bar. The bouncer gestured toward the door with a dead serious face, and Max grabbed my hand, dragging me along with him to the door. When he reached it, he bowed to his audience, calling out, "I AM THE EGGMAN!"

We were pushed out the door with that, and it was slammed in our faces. We both looked at each other, then started cracking up, holding our sides.

"Max…" I breathed, trying to catch my breath, "I thought you didn't WANT to be kicked out!" He took a few staggered breaths, swaying dangerously as he began to saunter down the sidewalk back to the flat.

"I forgot…to remember…to forget," he informed me, chuckling again. He smiled brightly, staring up at the gray night sky. That was about as good as it got here.

I rolled my eyes playfully, shaking my head. "What am I going to do with you, Max Carrigan?" Max began to swing his arms, and I copied him, making him snigger.

"No, Ellie, the question is, what am I going to do to you?"

Huh? This was not what I said. What the hell was he talking about? We were swinging our arms so violently that they bumped into each other. Instead of keeping going with the swinging, Max stopped one arm, then used his hand to root out mine. He latched onto it, and started the rocking again. I felt myself blush, but he didn't notice anything.

I didn't say anything for a little while, and we walked in content silence, our interlocked hands swaying. We were a block away from home when he starting singing.

"_Ellie, oh, pretty, pretty Ellie. Yeah, I'm talking to you. She'd rather be holding my hand than holding your beer, so screw all you dicks who treated her like shit." _He raised his voice to a shaky falsetto. "_Ohhhh, yeah, her red curly hair and her pretty blue eyes. She will be my sweet demise. Oh, fuck all the pricks who thinks she's a snore, 'cause she's a gas, and you're a bore. Ellie, oh, pretty, pretty Ellie. Won't you be mine?"_

What. The. Hell?! Um, every single part of that song was wrong in every way. So why was I smiling like an idiot?

"I wrote that for you," Max declared, kicking his feet against the ground. "It took me forever, so you better like it."

I giggled. "Really? Because it sounded like you just came up with that on the spot."

Max put his free hand on his heart his mock-offense. "Are you insulting me? I was writing that for SECONDS!"

I could feel a warm glow in my cheeks, and my teeth were starting to chatter. These were clear signs that I was happy. That, or maybe I had a little bit too much to drink. But I was NOT drunk, I only had, what? Six beers?

We reached the last flight of stairs, and we tumbled into the apartment, all laughs and jokes. Sadie and Jojo were gone, playing a gig or something, and I could see through a crack in our door that Lucy was asleep in our room. Max was stumbling around in the kitchen, so I strode in there to find out what shenanigans he was getting himself into. All across the counter top was the most nauseating mixture of food that I could imagine: mayo, peanut butter, a red onion, and a bagel.

When he saw me enter, he held up the onion, saying, "Look, El, it's a glass onion!" Then he crumpled onto the floor, shaking in hysterics. God, he was really smashed.

"Okay, buddy, let's get you to bed." I reached down and tried to pull him up, but he was shaking so badly I could barely hold on to him. I eventually got him up, him still chuckling, and got him to walk into his bedroom. Without bothering to turn on the light, I threw him onto the bed, leaning down at the foot of it to yank his shoes off. When I sat back up, I saw him watching me, a flicker of mischief dancing in his eyes.

"'Night, Max," I whispered, leaning down to ruffle his hair. When I was bringing my hand back up, he caught it, jerking it forward and making me topple on top of him.

"What the-" But before I could finish, Max was kissing my neck, breaking so many boundaries that I didn't even know what to yell at him about first. He brought his finger to his lips, making the universal shushing gesture. I tried to remember what I wanted to say to him, but, from the effect of all the beers, I couldn't figure out what was wrong with this. It wasn't like we were dating, and who would even remember this in the morning? Nobody was going to find out. Why not?

Max began to unbutton his shirt, his eyes on me. No matter what I said, in his eyes, we were already doing this. And I was okay with that. At least, drunken me was.

He pulled off my shirt, whispering in my ear, "You're so beautiful." And then I realized it. It WAS okay, because this was Max! And if I really looked far enough into my heart, I would see that I probably did feel more than just brotherly love for him. Maybe I felt…in love?

**OMG!!!! Ellie and Max? Who would have thought? Oh, wait...only EVERYBODY. Just in case you were wondering, Ellie isn't a V-word anymore, though she doesn't exactly go flaunting it everywhere like Max does. Review, because I KNOW you want to!!!**


	9. Dear, Sweet Prudence

**I tell you, writing this story is truly my escape. It seems like this is the one thing that I can actually control, out of all the crazy things in my life. I love just sitting down in front of the T.V. at night to write these chapters, and this is my favorite story that I have written for fanfiction yet. I know that those of you that read the last chapter think that it must be moving a little bit too fast and too abruptly. But don't worry, because unlike anything else I write I actually have a plan for this one. So, without further ado, chapter nine!**

I woke up, snug in bed. I remembered these blankets briefly, so I wasn't too freaked out, just thinking that I had fallen asleep in someone else's bed in the flat. I sensed more body heat farther away, and I wriggled into it, finding that it was a person. However, I was in that state, you know, the one when you just wake up and you really have no idea what was going on, and I didn't really care who the person was. It only barely registered to me that my bare skin was touching another human's bare skin. Actually, it felt really nice.

The other person wrapped their arm around my waist, pressing me into their chest. It hummed contentedly, and I realized that it was a boy. So, what? It didn't matter. All that mattered was that he was warm and he didn't mind me being so close to him. He dug is face into the tangles of soft curls that swarmed my head, breathing in and sighing. _This is nice,_ I thought, smiling and stroking the hand that was on my stomach.

I wondered who the mystery boy was. I must have had a few too many for my skinny body to handle if I didn't really remember what happened last night. I'm sure that if I thought hard enough…. Wait, what if I didn't want to know? Like, maybe it was someone off limits, like Jude or someone, and I was going to regret it? Before I could panic too much, I swallowed my suspicion and rolled over.

Oh. My. God!

I leapt out of bed, making Max jolt awake. I quickly looked down at my naked body (as did he) and pulled the sheet off the bed, unfortunately displaying Max. We stared at each other for a moment, me shocked, and him completely blank.

"Fuck, Max! We didn't!" I wrapped the sheet around me more securely, then ran my hands over my face, already in Freak-Out mode.

Max chuckled, leaning down to pull his boxers on. "Oh, contraire, Miss Ellie. It looks like we very much did." He stood up, still wearing nothing but his boxers, and rubbed his eyes.

"How in the hell is that funny? It's not!" I bent down, searching for my clothes. "You're my best friend's brother!" I looked back, finding him still staring at me, his eyes a little wider. He recovered himself in a moment, though.

"Oh, really? I always thought I was a little bit more than that, El." I knew he was only teasing, but I couldn't help the flush that was creeping over my cheeks. In truth, he was always a little more than just my best friend's brother. He was my counselor, my guardian, my friend. And now he was my lover. Oh, my God!

"Lucy can NOT know about this." He laughed again, turning around to take a quick a peek at himself in the mirror, smoothing a hand over his stubborn long, dirty blonde hair. He gave it up as a bad job, shrugging it off.

"Chill out, dude." He leaned against the doorway, smiling cockily. "It's not like this changes anything."

I couldn't believe he was being so nonchalant about this! You don't just have sex with your friends and expect them to stay that way! I mean, I didn't like Max like that, but I was sure SOMETHING would change, even if I wasn't feeling anything right now. Maybe in Max World this wasn't a big deal, but in the normal world, at least mine, you don't just sleep with anybody.

"What DOESN'T this change, Max?" I crossed my arms, cocking my hip. I was going to get a serious answer out of him, whether he like it or not.

"Anything. This doesn't change anything. I have plenty of friends that I do this with." He smiled smoothly at me, but I wasn't buying it. I didn't want to be a bar-slut, or even worse, a Max-whore. Please, spare me.

"Oh, yeah? Name one." I narrowed my eyes, daring him. He looked a bit caught off-guard like he might not expect me to say something like this. And normally, I wouldn't. But everything had changed since I had come to New York.

"Ummm." I could tell he was hesitating. Maybe he didn't want me to know about all the girls Lucy and Jude and Pru had told me about. "Jude." He smirked a little bit, turning around and heading into the kitchen.

I knew I should be mad that he didn't give the truth, but I had to grin a little bit. Same old Max. Unless he wasn't kidding…but I didn't want to think about that. "You're horrible, Max Carrigan!" I called after him, but he just waved a hand airily behind his back.

I stood in his room, debating what to do next. By the light coming into the room, I'd guess it was about noon, so Lucy wouldn't be in our room. I should just sneak in there….

* * *

I walked into the flat, finally back from my crazy night, around seven in the morning. I didn't really want to go to sleep, what was the point? I decided that I would just take a quick nap, then make some coffee. I walked down the hallway to go to the bathroom to wash some of the hangover off of me with a shower, and happened to glance into Max's room.

There was a girl in his bed. That was funny, I hadn't seen him go home with anybody. Nobody except…. Uh-oh. But it wasn't like I hadn't found myself in that position before, too. Max and I had done that a few times, but I had stopped it after a while. Max was hot and all, I guess, but I had realized I had feelings for somebody else, and they were way stronger than the weak lust I had felt for Max. Needless to say, I had stopped sleeping with him a long time ago.

I leaned in his door, needing to make sure. Sure enough, Ellie was asleep, quite naked, next to Max. He had one arm draped lazily over her, and he was breathing heavily. She was very recognizable with her dark red curls. She was smiling, and they looked so adorable with each other, I had to smile a little bit, too.

"Max," she murmured. For a second, I thought she was awake. I froze in the doorway. She sighed a little bit. "I love you, Max."

!!!!!!

NO WAY! Then Max's features flickered a little bit and he was smiling lightly. I was sure they were asleep, but their thoughts were so in sync. He whispered something, but it was so quiet I couldn't hear.

I wondered if they had done it out of drunken passion or out of…well, love. I doubted this last one. Max Carrigan did NOT seem capable of true love. But then again, some things might surprise you about him. I bit my lip, trying to decided what to do. I was suddenly finding myself rooting for the two of them, and I didn't want to do anything that would make them loose each other. I quietly closed the door, found some paper, tape, and a pen, and tore the paper in half. On one side I wrote in my best imitation of Max's hand:

Do not disturb. And that means you Jude!

On the other side I wrote in what was somewhat like Ellie's handwriting:

Luce- I ran out to get some hangover-remedies. I'll be back later. –E

I taped the Max one to his door, and slid the Ellie one on the counter. I smiled at my work. Then I went back to my previous business, feeling good at the good karma I had just sent out.

It was around noon when Max emerged from his room, looking a little worse for wear and clothed in nothing but boxers. He smiled jovially. That was a little weird. When I was hung over, the last thing I wanted to do was smile. More like puke.

"Well, hello there, Prudence. And how are you this morning?" He poured himself a cup of the coffee I had made, leaning back against the counter and taking a deep sip.

Should I pretend I didn't know? That seemed best. Ellie hadn't emerged yet, but I was positive that she was going to be way past embarrassed. I should spare her, shouldn't I? Ever since I had seen them in bed this morning, whispering sweet nothings to each other and not even knowing it, I had wanted them to be together SO bad. I wanted Ellie out here now so that I could determine what this was going to be like.

"MAX!" Jude shouted from the Whatever Room. Max rolled his eyes, sauntering into the room where Jude and Lucy were requesting songs for Jojo to play on his guitar. Sadie was still sleeping. Just thinking about her…. Ugh, snap out of it Pru. I was making myself sick.

I walked in behind Max, still clutching my coffee. Max stretched, and it became ten times more evident that he was wearing basically nothing at all. Seeing this, Jude grinned again.

"So, Max, which one was it this time?" Max looked confused, glancing from each slyly smiling face to the next. I could see the wheels in his head turning, trying to figure out if they knew, probably.

"Um, what?" He scratched his head, playing dumb. Don't tell them, don't tell them, I chanted in my head, trying to beam this thought over to him. Max wasn't stupid, he knew what would happen if he told them. Lucy would freak out, maybe even hit him, and Jude would make fun of him so bad. Jojo could obviously care less, but he was another story. He didn't get fired up for much. But that was okay, it was what made him Jojo.

I was afraid that if he told them, and they were all laughing and mad at him, he wouldn't be with Ellie. And that was kind of a sad thought, as they were obviously in love with each other, though it didn't seem like he realized it. My thoughts weren't confirmed until I saw Ellie enter the room, which was conveniently right then.

"Hey, guys," she greeted them timidly, shyly ducking her head as she came in. God, could she have been more obvious? She was obviously scared that Max had told on her. Thankfully she was dressed at least, so maybe they wouldn't catch on.

"Hey, I didn't hear you come in." Lucy said from her spot on the couch next to Jude. She smiled at her friend, who gave her a puzzled look back. But Ellie was smarter than the average pretty girl.

"Oh, yeah, well…" she muttered, shrugging. Lucy turned away, apparently satisfied. Ellie breathed out in relief, though to anybody else it would seem just like a gentle sigh.

"So, c'mon, Max. Tell us, who was it this time?" she asked, and from the doorway Ellie blushed furiously. Max's eyes widened a little bit, and I could see that he was thinking on his feet.

"Hell if I know. Might have been Lizzie, might have been Rita, might have been a totally random girl, I don't know." Oh, nice one Max. All ways the way to get out of things; saying you were too drunk to remember their face.

"Well, whoever it was obviously didn't want to be disturbed. I know it wasn't you who put up that note, the writing is WAY to girly." Jude seemed disinterested with the subject now, drawing things on his hand with a pen.

But Max seemed to really be getting into this, like he was purposely trying to mortify Ellie without actually saying anything. "Well, I don't really remember that. All's that I can really seem to remember, now that I'm seriously thinking, you know, is that we were up really late (or I should say early) just talking. After the initial sex, that is."

Lucy and Ellie gasped, both of them shouting at the same time, Lucy in surprise and disgust, Ellie in surprise and warning. "Max!" they both screeched.

But Jude wanted to know what he was talking about. "Okay, Max, I'll bite. What were you two talking about?" Ellie was glaring intensely at the back of Max's head, but Max was grinning away.

"Just about, you know, the _space _between us all, and the people that hide themselves behind a wall of illusion." A wall. Oh, nice one Max. That was really nice. I could see how dark red Ellie was out of the corner of my eye. I was determined not to look at her and give it away that I knew what was going on.

Jude chuckled a little bit. "That's, erm, a pretty deep conversation for a nightie." He raised his eyebrows.

Max shrugged nonchalantly. "What can I say, I'm a deep person." Jojo snorted into his guitar, and after that everybody started to laugh. Everybody but Ellie, that was.

* * *

I hate him. I hate him so much it isn't even funny. He's sitting there, _making fun of me_, and he thinks that it's okay. Because don't worry, Ellie! Nothing's gonna change! Well, maybe not for you, buddy, but I don't think I'm so lucky.

But even as I'm standing here, bright red, and hating Max, there's something nagging at me. Some realization that I don't seem to remember from last night. I DO, however, remember talking after we, well, DID it, and I remember saying those exact same things to him. And that is just _cold_.

So, when Max got up to refill his coffee cup, I followed him right back into the kitchen.

"What the HELL, Max? Do you have to be so much of an ass?" I put my hands on my hips, curling my upper lip. One of the things that had never been very hard for me before was expressing anger, and that was still true now that the wall was gone.

Max froze at the coffee machine, then slowly turned around, and I could see that he was mad. Let me be the first to tell you: Max does NOT get mad. I mean, like, EVER. He gets…agitated. Sure, doesn't everybody? But right now, he was seriously pissed. And for no reason, too.

"Listen," he hissed, "when you've seen beyond yourself, then you may find peace of mind is waiting there. Think about that, Ellie."

..... What?

"What are you _on_, Max?" But he just shook his head in disgust and strode out of the room, leaving me staring after him, wishing that he was still with me.

**Hmmmm, what seems to be going on? Are Ellie and Max (insert gasp here) falling for each other? It can't be! And what the hell is Max's problem? It wasn't like Ellie was sitting out there exploiting his poeticness to Mr. Jude! As you can see I'm totally on Ellie's side on this one. Oh, and by the way, can anybody tell me what the song this time was? And sorry for the weirdness of the words, but it's a weird song. I was listening to that song, and I was like, dude, that seems like something Max might say. If he was high, anyways. So, anyways, review, and get ready for a sad chapter coming up, because we all know what must happen eventually.**


	10. Just When You Think Things Are Bad

**It's so weird seeing two of my stories right next to each other in the same fandom. I don't know if I'll ever be able to get used to the fact that everything I'm writing RIGHT NOW is going to be read by other people. And you know, I really should, because that is the WHOLE ENTIRE POINT of fanfiction, is it not? But anyways, I really wanted to get an update in, because after this, I don't know how fast I'm going to be able to get chapters done. And that sucks, because I'm almost at the part I've been working towards for a while now, and I want to be able to just write it out. And, like I said in the last chapter, we all know what much happen to Max now. I know this is supposed to happen sometime right after Lucy comes, but I wanted to give at least a little bit more time. And besides, after Lucy tells him, it seems like then that he has to go for the hearing. So, I'm sorry for stretching this out, but, without any more of me giving everything away, here's chapter ten!**

Ellie was acting like a complete psychopath.

I don't know why either, and that was the part that was truly killing me. I mean, ever since that night when I got a little bit wasted at the bar (ah, good times there) and accidentally slept with her, she's been totally off the wall. And I'm not stupid, I know how bad that sounds, but it wasn't like it meant anything at all. We had both said that, hadn't we? That we were just friends, and it was a drunken incident, and it wasn't like it hadn't happened before. Well, not with me and Ellie. There had always been a very clear line there. But with some other girls that I knew (actually, most other girls that I knew) it was a different case.

She was very clearly only thinking about herself. Ellie wasn't usually self-absorbed, she let my sister take that one, but for some reason, I think that she completely took this one as a blow to her as a person, not just an honest mistake.

In all actuality, I had barely said three words to her since I snapped in the kitchen. And now, sitting in the little café with all our roommates after one of Sadie's shows, I was seated right next to her. She was talking to Lucy, but neither of them looked all that into the conversation. Lucy looked like she was worried about something, and kept reaching down and fidgeting with something in her lap. Ellie eyes looked distant, as though she wasn't thinking about anything she was saying. I would have asked what the matter was, but I didn't know if we were speaking again yet. I took a deep breath, deciding to suck it up and just do it, when Lucy cut me off.

"Hey, Max, something came for you in the mail a few weeks before I left." She gently lifted the folded paper from her lap, holding out her hand to me. I took the paper, glaring down at it without opening it up. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

"It says I have an induction ceremony on the 7th. I've been drafted." I stared straight down at that fucking piece of paper, not quite believing what it said. The table became dead quiet, and I could feel all of them looking at me.

I slowly looked up. "What the hell am I supposed to do?" I asked, looking at them all. My eyes finally found Ellie's, and there was tears shimmering in them. That was when I really struck me, and I began to panic. "I can't go into WAR! FUCK!"

They started throwing suggestion out there in a frenzied state, but I wasn't listening to them. I turned and looked at Ellie, about to tell her not to cry. But as soon as I opened my mouth, something stopped my voice from coming out. I stared into her glossy turquoise eyes, feeling myself melt a little bit. She didn't say a word, but somehow, she didn't need to. I could feel her worry, and the pain seeped off of her in waves.

Mindlessly, I took the dreaded paper and raised it to the candle that was flickering in front of us. The paper started to crinkle in flames, and I watched it, completely memorized. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jojo shaking his head, and I directed my stare to him.

"…you can burn that paper, boy, but you still gotta show…" he murmured, making chills run down my spine. This was happening…this was REALLY happening. No more fun, free Max. I was going to have to be a member of the United States Army. Fuck.

* * *

Lucy and Jude disappeared sometime after Lucy gave Max the letter, and I stepped out of the café to follow them. I had never felt more alone, even though I had all these new friends, then I did right there. I stumbled down the street, the sun setting high gloriously above me. I decided to head down to the dock. As I was walking, I passed a dark alley, smoke pouring out of it and hushed voices flowing like a river. They quieted as I got nearer, until one man called out.

"Hey, baby, you want a hit?"

Behind him, his friends cackled unmercifully, and I felt my cheeks darken. _Keep walking, Ellie. It'll be okay_, I thought, staring straight ahead. The sun hadn't set yet, but I could see it getting darker and darker. I heard footsteps from behind me, and saw the same man that had called out to me was trailing a half a block away.

"C'mon, I won't be rough!" he tried again, his voice light and teasing. For the second time that night, I wanted to cry. Though not out of worry this time, but out of horror. Please not again, please not again, please not again. I chanted it over and over in my head, silently praying that God would get me out this.

Suddenly, I felt someone spin me around, the force of his grip leaving deep red marks in my light colored skin. He stared down at me, humor littering his unattractive features, and breathed heavily, filling my nostrils with the scent of marijuana and liquor. I gagged, trying to turn away, but he shoved me into the alley that was one down from the one he had started in.

"Mmm, your skin is so soft, baby," he hissed, running his yellow stained fingertips down my arms. I shivered involuntarily, and he laughed.

"Let me GO!" I screeched, wriggling fiercely. His face dropped, and I could tell that I had made him mad. He pulled me around, so that his back was to the wall and I was pressed up against him. "AHHH!"

He growled, pushing one hand over my mouth, and slithering the other down, down towards the waistband of my bellbottoms. I couldn't make a sound, and he was way to strong for me. Chuckling triumphantly, he ripped open the button, plunging his hand inside the denim.

This situation was way too familiar to me, and I suddenly knew the way out it. I tensed the only free part of my body, my leg, and kicked it backwards, making contact with his…ahem. He grunted, his hand dropping from my mouth and letting me free. As soon as he did that, I took off, re-buttoning my pants as quickly as I could.

I was just about to the docks when I ran out of breath, and I knew that he would never follow me out here. I stopped, putting my hands on my knees and taking deep breaths. I wanted to cry, GOD how I wanted to cry, but something inside of me just wouldn't let me. The familiar pinch behind my eyes was there, and I even had a lump in my throat. But I guess I had run out of tears for the month, because nothing wet was leaking from my eyelids.

When I picked my head back up, I could just make out two figures standing on the dock. I immediately figured it was Jude and Lucy, seeing as this was their favorite place to go. I watched as Jude strode over to the wall of a building, drawing something with the burnt end of a stake. Lucy walked up next to him, and for a moment they just stood there, not talking. Then I saw them both look up, and though I couldn't hear anything, I saw them both tilt their heads back with laughter, then run around the building to the overhang. They ducked underneath, and another person -a cop- ran by them. They both kept laughing, but Jude emerged from under the ledge, chucking his stick into the churning ocean.

Lucy hung back, watching him, and I could see her lips moving, as though she were singing. I moved a little closer, and I could just making out a few tinkling notes on the breeze.

"_If I fell in love with you, would you promise to be true? And help me understand. 'Cause I've been in love before, and I've found that love is more than just holding hands…."_

I smiled lightly to myself heading back up the hill upon which I had just descended. However, it was really dark up here, and Jude and Lucy were still pretty far away, and I became scared again. I could suddenly feel not only the man from tonight, but Freddie's hands on me. I twitched, looking around myself all paranoid. That was when it all became too much….

~*~

"_Haha, always been the funny one, Miss Eleanor. Just making everybody laugh," Freddie Malone rasped in that smoker's voice of his. I looked down, blushing lightly, and tried to not look completely like a thirteen year old girl, even though I was one._

_"Always been the creepy one, Freddie," I returned, settling back into my chair and nestling my guitar into a more snug position. "But really, as funny as I might be, you need to stop with the beer. Eight is way more than enough." I gave him a stern look, and he smacked the can back down on the table._

_"You," he slurred, "are a little girl who needs to mind her own business." He crossed his arms, glaring at me. This was making me slightly uncomfortable, and I thought that what I had said before was true; he always had been a little bit creepy. But, he was my dad's best friend, and if Vera and mom could put up with him, so could I._

_I decided it would be best if I just left, so I picked my guitar up off my lap, sliding it back into the case and snapping the top down. I looked up, seeing Freddie watching me with an almost frightening look on his face, and was glad that I had made the decision to go home._

_"Sorry, Fred, but I gotta go. Max and Lucy invited me over to over their house before I left, but I just had to stay for a little bit of the party." I gave him a slightly shaky smile, then stood up. He stood up at once, too. He watched me with heavy, drunken eyes._

_"I'll…I'll walk you over then," he stuttered, licking his lips and sneering down at me. I cringed, slightly scared, but nodded, then started up the stairs. He trailed behind me, and I could not help but suspect that he was looking at me._

_I reached the middle level of the house, and it was five times hotter than the lower level. "MOM!" I called into the living room where she was 'hosting'. She looked back at me irritatedly. "I GOING TO THE CARRIGAN'S!" She nodded hastily, waving me off, not even glancing at Freddie as he towered above me._

_I slipped on some sandals, then ran out the front door, not waiting for Freddie and hoping he would forget about me. He didn't. He slipped out the door, too, hurrying to catch up with me. When he reached me, he gave me a crooked smile. "Thought we'd never get out of there, huh?"_

_This made me slightly weary. It was the sort of thing Max would say to some girl before she rolled her eyes and hastened her pace to get away from him. It was NOT, however, something that a grown man should be saying to a girl that was barely even a teenager yet._

_When I didn't say anything, he nudged my shoulder a little bit harder than usual. "Huh?" he demanded, baring his teeth. I stared up at him like he was insane, and I couldn't find my voice. He pushed me again, this time intentionally harder than usual, and sent me careening into the ground. I looked back up at him, and he scoffed._

_"C'mon, baby, get up," he cooed, offering his hand. I was too scared to take it, instead hoisting myself up on my own and taking off down the street. He was much bigger than me, however, and caught me within seconds. He clawed at my shirt, forcing me back._

_"Please! I have to go! Max-"_

_This was obviously the wrong thing to say. Freddie's face completely clouded over, and Found back, letting his arm go suddenly and punching me full force in the nose. "I'd rather see you dead, little girl, than to be with another man."_

_My fingers flung up to my nose, where blood was flowing out, and I felt around to see if it was broken. It wasn't, though as soon as my ginger fingers touched it, I cried out in pain. I started to cry, and tried to back up. Unfortunately, I was so teary I couldn't see, and I fell right down in the middle of the street. _

_Freddie knelt down next to me, but I couldn't see his face. "GET AWAY!" I shrieked, trying to scoot away, but jostling my nose, which caused another round of mind blowing agony. I screamed as loud I possibly could, but Freddie decided to punch me right in the stomach, so my breath came out short._

_"Well, I know I'm a wicked guy," Freddie hissed, leaning down into my ear. "And I'd rather see you dead." My stomach started convulsing, and I genuinely thought that he was really gonna kill me. I tried to wriggle free, but he pulled my face up to his, like was, going to kiss me, and socked me one right in the eye. I fell back, my hitting the pavement with a dull thump._

_It was then that I heard it. "EEEELLLLIIIIEEE!!!" _

_I tried to open my eyes, but the left one was so painful that I didn't want to. However, I knew exactly who my savior was. I pried my right eye far enough open that I could see Max Carrigan, my best friend Lucy's older brother, lunge at Freddie, punching him as hard as he could in the side of his head. Max must have been pretty strong, because Freddie was knocked down to the ground. _

_Max reached down, grabbing me up in his lanky arms. I was quite light, he could easily support me. Once I was there, I folded into his chest, sobbing, and smearing blood onto his blue T-shirt. _

_"Don't you know it's gonna be alright," he whispered into my hair, "alright, alright."_

_I tried to find my breath for words to thank him, but I could. My tears just kept flowing, and he kept stroking my head. It was minutes before Feddie started stirring again. He turned his head, his eyes alight with rage, and started getting to his feet. Max grabbed my hand, and before he even started to sway after us, we we're rounding the corner._

_He stopped abruptly, calling out, "You better run for your life if you can, little girl!" These words sent chills spiraling down my back. I shuddered, and my nose hurt even worse. We came up upon Max's dark front porch, and I sat down, my sore head falling into my hands._

_"We've gotta tell." Was the first thing that Max said to me. I looked up at him like he was crazy, and he looked back at me the same way._

_"We can't! That's the guy that saves my dad's ass every time he gets thrown into JAIL!!! My dad would kill me if he found out about this." I shook my head, already decided upon what I should do._

_"Ellie, that guy just threatened your life, then BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!" Max's yelling was making my head hurt, and I just wanted him to stop until I could think straight through the pain. This was just too much for that, though._

_"I can't tell. Please understand! It could have been a lot worse if you hadn't shown up, and even right now it's not that bad." I stood up, walking over to him, and he embraced me again. I melted into that hug. "Thank you SO much. I don't know…" I couldn't finish that sentence, because I really just didn't know. _

_"That's what I'm here for, El; to save your scrawny ass." He sighed, pulling away and staring me straight into the eye. "I won't tell, but only for your dad. But I'm never leaving you alone with that bastard again, I can promise you that. _Never._" The solitary word hung alone in the night air, ringing in my ears and echoing through my head. He was never going to leave me. Never. My Max._

_And that was the first time Freddie Malone almost killed me._

_~*~_

The complete remembrance of the memory left me in a state much like the one I had been in when Max knocked down my wall. My knees began to shake with the effort of holding myself steady, and I sunk to the ground. All I wanted in the world right now was to melt into it like I had to Max's hug that night. I crumpled into a ball, wrapping my arms around my legs right there on top of the hill, just willing myself to cry, but not being successful.

One thought coursed through my mind, and that was that Max HAD broken his promise. He was leaving me.

**Just so you know, I didn't intend for that to get so violent. Actually, I didn't even know I was going to add that in yet, so sorry for those of you that don't like violence. The saddest part of ATU; Max leaving for Vietnam. That is SO sad. And now you know about Freddie Malone, and the craziness that is him. Yes, he is a drunken pedophile, but you don't know about that second part yet. Oops. That's about it, so leave me a review and tell me if you think I did a good job in creating that intense moment for Ellie. PEACE!**


	11. Falling Apart

**I haven't updated in FOREVER!!! I've had (oh, God, I don't even want to say it) writer's block. I pride myself on my lack of that particular thing but NO. Just when it was getting good I failed myself. So, now, I don't have much to say. Isn't that weird? I usually have SO much to say, but right now I don't. It's kinda a relief, to tell you the truth. My fingers usually are usually about to fall off when I'm finished writing a chapter, but I don't think so this time. Oh, wait. I was just rambling again, wasn't I? Ugh, I'm sorry. You don't wanna hear this. So! Here's chapter eleven. Got, it's chapter eleven already?!**

"El?" came the distant shout. I guess they found me then. "Ellie!"

I curled myself tighter into the ball I had formed. I just wanted them to leave me alone. Just this once, why couldn't they? I was always being saved. Maybe I didn't want to be saved. Maybe I just wanted to wither. If the Carrigans hadn't been in my life, I would probably already be gone. So maybe I've outlived myself.

"ELLIE?!" Lucy screeched, and I could tell that she was close to me, maybe a few feet away. "Jude! Come help!"

She knelt down next to me, whispering under her breath. "Oh, no. Oh, no no. Not again. Please, God, let her be okay!" I felt her face move away. "JUDE! GET OVER HERE!"

Lucy moved her palm from the ground, wiped it on her lap, then put it on my arm, pushing a little bit. "C'mon, Ellie. Stop it, stop it!" She shook me more forcefully, but I let my body ricochet lifelessly. I felt like I had been completely drained.

"Lucy I- What's wrong? What happened?" This was Jude's voice; lower, with that frisky Liverpoolian accent.

"I don't know!" Luce said desperately, a note of panic seeping into her voice. "I just came up here and here she was!" I felt Jude stoop beside me. I wanted to say something so badly, but I really couldn't. I felt like I was done, just giving up. Obviously God thought that I was done, too, or this twisted shit would stop happening to me. Maybe I was always a mistake. The conviction to talk to Jude and Lucy was gone, and I let my entire body go completely limp.

"She looks like she's okay…. I don't know, we should probably just take her home." I felt him scoop me up in his arms, grunting a little bit but carrying me with unusual ease.

"Yeah…home…." Lucy mumbled. We began to walk.

* * *

When I say that girl across the room, I knew that I was taking her home tonight. The voluptuous way her hip turned in, her long, straight, blonde hair. If she didn't come with me on my way out of here, I was going to be beyond pissed. That was just what I needed right now. Turning a fucking horrible day into a just plain fucking day.

I strode up to her, nothing but pure confidence. "Hey. Can I buy you a drink?"

The girl glanced at me once, then did a double-take, sitting up straighter. "Yeah," she said flirtatiously, leaning forward and resting her head in her hands. "You gotta name, baby?"

I nodded. "You?"

She giggled rather exaggeratedly, but hey! I wasn't going to complain. "Yup. I'm Mary Jane." Mary Jane battered her eye lashes at me.

"What's the new, Mary Jane?"

She sighed, leaning back in what she obviously thought was a cool manner. For all intents and purposes, she could be hopping one footed on a tight rope, and it still wouldn't have mattered nor impressed me. I wasn't looking to be impressed.

"Oh, just came to drink away my troubles." She smiled, waving her hand airily. "Boyfriend troubles."

"Ahhhh," I said, disinterested. But I knew that if I wanted this girl I was going to have to at least make SOME sort of effort. I slid onto the stool next to her, and she sipped her drink. "I happen to be an expert on boyfriend issues."

Her face fell. "Oh, so you're gay, then?"

I actually laughed out loud at that one. "No, no. I just happen to be the worst boyfriend in the world."

She tittered, stirring her drink slightly with her finger. "Good thing I'm not looking for a new boyfriend." She looked up from her glass, giving me a sly grin.

"Okay. My place or yours?"

"Yours. Definitely yours."

* * *

Lucy burst in the door, and Jude followed her shortly after. She looked, for lack of a better word, frazzled.

"Pru! Pru, it's Ellie! I don't know what happened!" Lucy shouted at me just as Jude laid Ellie down on the sofa. She curled up in a tight ball, rolling into the cushions. We all watched her for a moment, and when she reemerged she was gasping for breath.

"I…I'm so sorry. I-I can't…I just want…." Her face was red and splotchy as though she has been crying- as though she SHOULD have been crying- but her face was completely dry. I wondered why she was holding it in, but I guess it didn't matter at this point. She was a mess.

"Ellie, I don't understand. What happened?" asked the still frantic Lucy. She was kneeling next to Jude near Ellie's face. Jude looked concerned as well, though he couldn't have known her any better than I could, with them being so new to the city.

"I-I…." Her voice shook violently, and her blue eyes glazed over, as though she were recounting what had happened. Suddenly, her whole body shuddered. I was pretty sure she was in shock. "Can…can I t-talk to hi-im?"

Lucy looked at Jude, who shrugged. However, I knew exactly who she was talking about. Some subconscious part of her wanted Max. Ha! This proved my theory that they were meant to be!

"We don't know who you're talking about, El," Jude told her in a gentle voice. She rolled her eyes up to meet his, staring blankly for a moment, then looked back at Lucy.

"Max." His name came out perfectly clear, un-stuttered and not so shaky. I felt like doing a happy dance around the Whatever room.

As if on cue, the door suddenly flew open, and none other than Max himself barged in. Accompanied, of course, with a young lady of rather…ahem…unusual taste. Hey, I thought she was pretty damn hot, and I'm not judging, but…really Max? Not in front of Lucy and Ellie, please!

The two were locked in a full embrace, and Max had pushed her against the wall. Her hands were already starting to move down from his face when Jude cleared his throat. "Er…Max?"

Max looked up, seeing us all staring at him. "Oh, hey what's up guys?" He turned to girl he was with. "You can go wait in my room, Mary Jane. It's first on the left. I'll be there in a minute."

"It's Ellie, Max. I think she's in shock or something." Lucy said immediately. Max frowned, looking at the couch and seeing the girl for the first time. Ellie groaned.

"Shit! What'd you guys do?" He knocked Lucy out of the way, claiming her spot because it was closest to Ellie. He put his fingers to her neck, checking her pulse, then picked them up and swiped them over her forehead, keeping her curls out of her face.

"WE didn't do anything. We just found her like this over by the docks." Lucy's cheeks flushed. I could guess easily why they had been there.

"Ellie, sweetie. Are you okay?" he asked her softly, stroking her hair. Awwww! Oh, my gosh I wanted them together so bad! Why couldn't anybody else see how perfect they were for each other?

"M-Max…" she mumbled. The sound of her voice was enough to make anybody in the room cry. "He…he attacked me! I-I didn't list-en to what y-you said…I w-w-went by the al-ley and he was r-right there…right t-there…." She trailed off, choking those last words out. Still, though she didn't cry.

Max closed his eyes for a second. "It wasn't him though, right El? It was just some guy?" He waited til she nodded to go on. "And he…attacked you?" The word seemed hard for him to get out, like he didn't want to say it, because if he did it would make it true.

Ellie's body convulsed again. "I…I-I was so sc-ared, Max."

Max nodded slowly, almost painfully. The look on his face confirmed everything I had assumed when I first saw them in bed together. "Shhh, it's alright, Ellie. We're all here now. It's gonna be okay."

Her eyes looked wild, but they slowly began to droop throughout the conversation. "D-don't leave m-me Max." She tried her best to gaze up at him, but her eyes seemed to fail her.

He bit his lip, staring at her. It seemed like forever before he finally responded. "I'm sorry, but I have to go." Instantly, her eyes popped right back open. Max stood up.

"No, n-no…please don't g-g-go Ma-ax…." He shushed her again, leaning down to kiss her on her forehead.

"You'll be okay," he whispered, then started to walk away.

I could tell she wanted to yell after him, but no one had the heart to stop him. It was all, I think, perfectly apparent to every one of us in the room what was going on. Without warning, the tears Ellie had been holding back started to roll down her face. Soon enough, she was shaking with uncontrollable sobs.

It was then that I realized how unique Ellie was. She could take being attacked by some stranger without crying (okay, so she basically broke down completely, but she didn't cry, that she didn't do) but as soon as the boy she loved (maybe she still didn't realize it yet…but I think everyone else did) left her, she couldn't control herself. She wasn't afraid of what people she didn't know though of her. She was a mess right now, that could not be denied. But, if Max was telling the truth, she had been through some serious shit in her life, and I respect her…I even admire her.

It was the saddest thing I had seen in a very long time. I knew right then, with undying certainty, that Max and Ellie were in love with each other. I did not know if they knew it yet, and I was not sure how strong their love was going to turn out to be, but I knew it was there. That, of course, wasn't the sad part. It wasn't even how badly Ellie shook with her tears, or the way Lucy wrapped her arms around her best friend, weeping right along with her.

No, it was the fact that Max didn't even turn around.

**I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry times a million for not updating in so long, and also for making Max seem like a jerk in this chapter. I wanted SO BAD to have the last scene be in Max's prospective, but I couldn't get the emotion right. And it's sorta different in Prudence's angle, isn't it? I mean, she obviously thinks they should be together, and we'll find out how they both feel next chapter, but still I think it added something, you know? An outsiders point of view to a love story. Soooo, review pretty please, tell me what you think. Also, if you want to give me any suggestions or anything like that, you can leave a review OR PM me if you want to talk ATU or Beatles!!!! THANKS!**


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